Where to find me

Some time ago I moved my platform from blogger to wordpress. No problems for those who read straight from my domain. But, it's now occurred to me, that when I first comment on your site through blogger, you'll end up here. And have no idea where I've gone.

You can find me at Glowstars.

Another meme

Because I just can't say no. Thanks Bun.

My ex was an interesting chap. I say interesting in the sense that it's the politest way of describing him without actually becoming insulting (which I'm sure would be fully justified but I just can't be arsed).

Maybe I should get off the computer and go and get my free lunch.

I love my family and friends, including those that I've gotten to know through blogging.

People would say anything in a magazine if it would earn them some money.

I don’t understand either of my boys. Maybe it's because they're men.

When I wake up in the morning it's always hard work.

I lost many things. It's like I just put them down and they disappear of the face of the planet.

Life is full of temptations.

My past has certainly been a varied one. You can't say I've stuck to the same path all my life...

I get annoyed increadibly easily. I'm not the most tolerant person.

Parties are great when you're a kid. They're never quite the same once you pass about 8 years old.

I wish that we were much more at ease financially

Dogs are by no means as great pets as cats.

Cats are the ultimate pets and an absolute must-have.

Tomorrow I will be starting my new job.

I have low tolerance of traffic, public transport, old people in the supermarket on a Saturday afternoon (ditto the post office at lunchtimes).

If I had a million dollars I would change it into pounds. Then it would probably just about cover a house purchase.

I’m totally terrified of... erm... nothing. I really can't think of anything right now.

The Big Five

Big Five Test Results

Extroversion (28%) low which suggests you are very reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and private. Accommodation (54%) medium which suggests you are moderately kind natured, trusting, and helpful while still maintaining your own interests. Orderliness (46%) medium which suggests you are moderately organized, structured, and self controlled while still remaining flexible, varied, and fun. Emotional Stability (46%) medium which suggests you average somewhere in between being calm and resilient and being anxious and reactive. Inquisitiveness (22%) low which suggests you are overly small minded, traditional, and conventional at the expense too often of intellectual curiousity, possibility, and progress.

Take Free Big Five Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Drinks

I like water. Good water that is. Not like the water in Brasilia, which tastes like the tap's connected to a swimming pool. Not like the water we get in our flat, which just tastes wrong. Give me a good bottle of water, a glass that's run through a filter, from a good tasting tap or even straight from a mountain spring (yes, I've drunk water straight from the ground in the past) and I'll be happy. Give me bad tasting water and I won't want to touch it. Which is the case at our place.

So to avoid the taste of bad water I live on squash (sugar-free, of course). But Y doesn't like me doing it for some reason. Says it's not good for me (lets ignore the fact that when I'm at work I drink probably three litres of plain, good water).

So, we struck a deal. We bought a water filter in the hope that it would get me to drink more plain water. The only catch was that if we bought the filter, I would have to drink the water. The trouble is, the taste hasn't improved much. And I'm stuck drinking the water. But at least Y's happy.

Unemployed

Well technically I am. Until Monday morning I no longer have a job. I'm unemployed. In a period of transition. Between jobs. Unfortunately it doesn't feel as wonderful as it sounds.

Thursday night was my leaving do. Despite my ex-boss F's tyrannical nature making me half an hour late (for my own party) I still had a good time. By the time I arrived at Guanabara D had initiated some rather risky 'out of phase drinking' method involving ordering your next drink the moment your current one arrived. Happy hour had definately spurred him on with that one. Trouble was, that in a very short space of time drinks started piling up and not even he could keep up with the pace, though he definitely tried. As for me, I was rather taken by the flashing ice-cubes you used to attract your waitress' attention. Really should've brought one back with me.

After a while it made sense to me to slow the drinking rate. Sneaky as I am, I switched to guarana. Of course none of them having a clue about anything Brasilian beyond caipirinhas, no-one was any wiser to the fact that I'd stopped drinking alcohol. Still didn't stop me (as well as P & R) attempting to dance samba as a class began.

When F arrived after 9 we moved on to another pub although by that point everyone's pace had definately slowed. Our taxi back to Waterloo took us a very scenic route almost as far as Tottenham Court Road and back to the Aldwych again before depositing us at our destination later than we would've been if we'd walked.

I was glad to see, the next morning, that I wasn't the only one hungover. K had managed to get a train back to Ramsgate instead of Orpington and D very nearly ended up sleeping in J's spare bed instead of making it home. Of course beer and burger at Wetherspoons was the lunchtime hangover cure. Except I couldn't face the beer.

The afternoon was strange. Emptying my desk felt odd, and saying goodbye to people for the last time weird. But it's done now. And, until Monday morning, I'm unemployed.

Leftovers

So, I don't think I was too successful with yesterday's list. Good job I'm off work today. Although, haveing only just gotten up now I'm not sure how much I'll actually get done, or whether I can be motivated enough to do the ironing. I guess the transformation into maid-kept mainsion will have to wait for a few years...

So today I have to ...

• Epilate
• Tidy up the house. Living room, kitchen, bathroom, our bedroom, TB's bedroom.
  Transformation from bomb site to maid-kept mansion would be good.
• Do my Portuguese homework (I haven't had a good look yet, but think it may be quite time consuming).
• Convince Y to start work on my new template so I can move across to Wordpress with a swanky new blog.
• Attempt to eat three (and no more) well balanced, low point meals.
  Breakfast
  Lunch
  Dinner
• Attack the ironing pile.
• Wash and dry more clothes.
• Crawl into a hole to avoid most of the above.

I was sitting reading blogs this morning, and TB came up to me just as I was closing one. He saw the window close and asked me to go back. 'I want the one with G' (his nanny) on.'

It turns out he'd seen this and decided it was G.

Just another day at the office...

P: I think I'm suffering from that ***.
All: Eh?
P: You know, ***, that sleeping disorder.
W: You mean narcolepsy. Necro is from the Latin, it means dead.
J: And you don't want to know what the philia means.
P: (Blushing) What have I said?
J: It means sleeping with dead people.
P: Oh no!

And all the while I'm keeping my head down at my desk trying not to crack up with laughter.

Banana Case

Point taken?

I've been tagged!

Although in the interests of everyone's sanity, I won't be tagging. I watch you all so will know if you've given it a go...

1. Where is your mobile phone?
In my bag I think. Maybe the table or whichever random pocket or surface it might be on.
2. Your significant other?
Has just made me review a 13 page ministry document.
3. Your hair?
Is fake. Blonde, medium length and rather funky now it's been cut.
4. Your skin?
Is spotty, greasy, dry, sensitive and generally an annoyance at best.
5. Your mother?
Is challenging, but her heart's in the right place.
6. Your favourite thing? Is probably a computer.
Music, movies, TV, blogging. What more does a girl want?
7. Your dream last night?
I can't remember. You'll have to ask me first thing in the morning next time.
8. Your favourite drink?
Irn Bru, Diet Coke and Diet Guarana (although not at the same time). If you want to add alcohol into the equation, caipirinha.
9. Your dream / goal?
I am goalless and dreamless. There's things I'd like to do in the future, but I wouldn't put them into either of those categories.
10. The room you’re in?
The living room.
11. Your ex?
They were all arses in their own ways.
12. Your fear?
Heights
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years?
Brasil
14. Where were you last night?
At my Portugues class, in the pub and then at the computer.
15. What you’re not?
Skinny
16. Muffins?
Starbucks Skinny lemon and poppyseed - the Pret imitation just doesn't cut it.
17. One of your wish list items?
Financial security
18. Where did you grow up?
Kent and Hampshire.
19. The last thing you did?
Read blogs
20. What are you wearing?
Pyjama bottoms and a vest top.
21. Your TV?
Is a rather large sized (both screen and depth) hand-me-down. Who says your family's old shit can't be useful!
22. Your pet(s)?
Are non-existant. Even if we could have one we'd probably start WW3 trying to choose between a cat or a dog.
23. Your computer?
Is a desktop and a laptop. Yes, we're a two computer family.
24. Your life?
Can be interesting at times.
25. Your mood?
Is tired right now. But then it is 12:30 at night.
26. Missing someone?
Sabrina. She so has to come to the UK to visit soon.
27. Your car?
Depends who you ask. I know I don't have one, but TB is convinced that mums 20 belongs to me!
28. Something you’re not? Haven't I already done this one?
29. Favourite store?
Gotta be Primark!
30. Your summer?
Is completely unplanned so far.
31. Like someone?
Depends who someone is.
32. Your favourite colour?
Pink.
33. Last time you laughed?
Today. Banana cases.
34. Last time you cried?
That's a good question.

10 Things I Thougth Today

Because I was tagged by LNT.

1. Why does the alarm keep ringing? (This is probably my first thought most mornings)
2. I love the fringe but it's really getting on my nerves.
3. Should I buy the shirt in pink or red?
4. Why does nowhere have the shoes I want in my size?
5. How did I miss that suit yesterday? I must have walked straight past it. And it's perfect!
6. Should I get pao de queijo?
7. Bloody hell that's hot! (While trying to microwave salmon in a sandwich bag).
8. Should I go to OA tonight or should I try and get those shoes (and maybe stop at New Look and Primark whilst I'm down that way)?
9. Please will they stop giving me work - I want to blog!
10. Now who can I get that hasn't already been got?

An in response to number 10, I pick Bunny, Hannah, Town Mouse, Mum of 4 and Kittenhead.

Happy Birthday

To me!

Today was my birthday. My 25th.

Yesterday mum, dad and B came over and we went for rodizio. Assuming that most of you won't have a clue what I'm on about, let me explain. Rodizio is Brasilian for BBQ. There's a place only a few minutes down the road from us that does an all you can eat buffet and BBQ. It's heaven on a plate. Not only is there a variety of hot Brasilian dishes and salads, the meat is brought round to your table and carved from skewers onto your plate. And just when you think you can't eat any more, they bring something else you haven't tried. Needless to say we didn't eat dinner last night.

Today I tried to sleep slightly later than a usual Monday but was thwarted by Y not wanting to get out of bed at 6:30 to take care of TB. I opened the remainder of my presents* (TB insisted I open all of the ones from my family whilst they were with us on Sunday) and managed to get out of the house before lunch time for some shopping.

Despite spending a large proportion of my afternoon wandering around Oxford Street I surprisingly came away having bought nothing. It wasn't that I didn't try, but more that I was too disorganised. You see to start, I wanted to buy another suit. But I didn't particularly want to buy a black one. So, having looked round a number of shops I established that unless I wanted to wear shorts (which I do not) or a 3/4 length sleeved jacket (which I also do not), then my options were limited to things well outside my price range (and does anyone else think it's ridiculous spending £110 on a jacket that you're hoping to slim beyond?).

I also went off to get my hair done. Before Christmas I modelled at the Toni & Guy Academy and left my number with the stylist in case she needed someone again. She didn't, but one of the other students did, so off I went for another free cut. Pictures will follow but it seems that Toni & Guy also train in the extreme application of serum, which does not sit well with my hair. Tomorrow maybe.

After that I had just enough time to try another suit, but of course, between the two I had to choose from, they didn't have both parts of either one in my sizes. By that time I had to head off for my Portugues class so came away with nothing. But tomorrow lunch time I'll be heading out for a suit and a pair of shows I picked, and then some other time will head to Primark to blow the rest of my money on many cheap and cheerful clothes.

So all in all, a good day.

* Note: truffles do not travel well by post.

Seven Songs Meme

Although not technically tagged (or at least not that I've seen yet), I just couldn't resist this.

The rules:-List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now, shaping your spring. Post these instructions in your blog along with your 7 songs. Then tag 7 other people to see what they’re listening to.

1. I Wish I was in New Orleans

Although this is the Tom Waits version I'm absolutely hooked on the Scarlett Johannson version. The album's one that grows on you, but now it has, I just can't stop listening. If you manage to hear my preferred version, you'll see why I love it; the music box feel to it is so delicate and gentle.

2. Boa Sorte/Good Luck (Vanessa da Mata & Ben Harper)

This one grabbed my while we were in Brasil and now her two albums are a rather prominent feature on my iPod.

3. You Know I'm No Good (Amy Winehouse)

It seems a shame to me that Amy Winehouse is such a wreck because she's such a talented singer. This is one of my favourite of her songs.

4. Say It Right (Nelly Furtado)

And this one just gets me grooving! The beat makes me feel like it's a summer evening, filled with heavy heat.

5. Tropa de Elite (Tihuana)

Another Brasilian one. If you haven't seen the film yet, it's a must. It's a great driving song, and driving is best in the summer!

6. Low (Flo Rida feat. T-Pain)

What can I say, it's from a great movie. Song ain't bad either.

7. Ai Ai Ai (Vanessa da Mata)

I really liked the original of this song on her first album, but I absolutely love this version. Of course it reminds me of driving around Salvador in the swealtering heat, which is always something good to think about when the weather turns as bad as it's been this weekend.

Eat Some Lose Some

Go here. Nuff said.

Happy Birthday

Today was the boy's birthday. Of course, the festivities started on Sunday, but took a hold until today. Or would've done if I'd had my way.

When I got home from work yesterday, I took a double take as I saw what I thought was a wrapped present unwrapped and completed on his table.

In a few seconds while G wasn't looking he'd made his way into our room, found the presents I thought I'd hidden and managed to unwrap two before he was found. He'd gotten out a pack of power rangers pants and a clay dinosaur that you paint and also roars when you lift it.

This morning I wanted to see him open his presents before I left, so woke him up after I'd had breakfast. Despite insisting that he still needed 'five more minutes' he was up of his own accord in less time than that. It was all a very civilised affair. He sat on our bed (you try getting Y out of bed before 8:30) and opened all his cards before touching the presents. Of course he was rather happy to see a number of them contained money. Then one by one he opened each present taking the time to look at them and see what they were all about.

This evening I got home to find he'd been out spending his money already, and had bought a Star Wars transformer. He'd eaten from his new Power Rangers plate from B, played in the bath with his bubble gun from nanny & grandad and sat down to open more presents, some great clothes from C. And despite all the excitement, he still went to bed relatively easily, leaving me to blog all about it.

The Replacements

It's strange knowing that those around you are looking for your replacement. It's stranger still to be actively involved in finding your own replacement.

My bosses have seen four people today and whilst I've not interviewed them myself, I've reviewed a number of CVs with a view to deciding who to interview, I've tested various skills and assessed the results and helped all three of the people I work for come to a decision as to who to offer the job to.

All while I'm still working in the job myself.

In terms of assessment, it was fairly easy to take the list of four down to three. Candidate B made such a mess of the first exercise with an inability to follow simple instructions, that she seemed a no-go from the start. Adding into the equation a poor performance on the second exercise and an incredibly slow completion of the third was enough to make it clear that she would not be right for the job.

Candidate D was ruled out in an instant as although she had comparable tests, my bosses just didn't feel they liked her overly much.

Candidates A and C were a different matter. Both A and F had different opinions on them. A really liked candidate A, while F preferred candidate C. But, both come with their problems. There is a strong possibility that candidate C will clash with E, one of the other secretaries. She also has rather high demands in terms of salary. Candidate A has a slightly dubious reason for leaving (being dismissed from) her last job (although the information has come from a contact who doesn't necessarily have the full and complete story).

Although A and F agreed to sleep on it, it looks like tomorrow morning they will be offering a job to candidate C, keeping candidate A as a back up, subject to her references.

I'm pleased that they seem to have found someone so quickly, as it worried me to be leaving them without someone to 'look after' them. I just hope they've picked the right person and it all works out.

Sunday was TB's birthday party in one of these:

Unfortunately when he woke up in the morning, he wasn't feeling to great, but perked up as the morning went on so we decided to go ahead. Of course, the moment his first friends arrived he was as well as can be.

On the downside, the party did seem to finish him off, because although he went to bed right as rain, he's since thrown up, is running a fever and didn't make it into school yesterday. But he had the party and the presents so, as far as he's concerned, it's all ok.

Dawn Chorus

Last night, at about 3, I woke to find TB in the middle of our bed, and downstairs karaokeing to some very loud music, very badly. Not only had they managed to wake Y up (not difficult) and TB (slightly more so), but they'd woken me up (and that's next to impossible).

Y was mad,no other word for it, and was ready to call the police. I dissauded him, and instead made him go downstairs to complain. The response he got was a retort along the lines of "but we've complained about you stepping loudly before". Not at 3 o'bloody'clock in the morning you haven't. Someone in there had the sense to turn the music off at that point, and we thought we'd get back to sleep. No such luck. Within 5 minutes both the music and the singing resumed.

As I was trying to find the number for the local police station, someone from one of the surrounding residences had also taken offence, and was out in the street shouting at them to turn the noise down. Once again a far from perfect response as they shouted out to her "well what song would you like us to play for you?" Again the music went off, but only for a few minutes.

By this point I was calling the police, who helpfully said they didn't deal with such disturbances. They could give me the number for environmental health though, but it took quite some time for them to search for it whilst I was on hold.

So I called environmental health, but by this point environmental health had stopped sending people out to noise-related distubances for the night. Luckily, though, they seemed to lose momentum from that point onwards, and somewhere around the time I fell back to sleep, got bored and stopped singing.

But not before I'd felt I'd missed out on a proper night's sleep.

The hair

Please excuse the face, which is un-made because it's the weekend and our furthest trip was to the shops - Y apparently doesn't have the software to make me beautiful.

A note to Wordpress users

Please note that due to my complete and utter boredom and lack of anything to do whilst at work, I have now taken to reading blogs from my desk. However, whilst blogger and vox and many other blogging tools are not banned by symantec, wordpress is. As such, I kindly request that you move your blogging activities to another platform in order to alleviate my boredom.

Many thanks.

Glowstars

Last night things came to a head and we discussed faith (particularly my current lack of it) and how we're both feeling in our relationship.

My feelings are raw.

A shrink would say the loss of my faith is a reaction to Y putting all his energies into the church at the expense of our relationship, and also putting those energies into other countries instead of focussing on the people in London (of course that's something for another post entirely).

A shrink would also say that my feeling 'friendless' is a result of our going to Brasil, and my subsequent depression. Two issues that may not have had the same impact if endured separately. Of course, that still doesn't change the fact that the people I'm closest to are my colleagues and the people I can really count on are my fellow bloggers. Yes, C may be here, but I've only really known her for a month and in that time it has become clear that we're at two different ends of a very long scale.

So, not only do I feel incredibly isolated in having no friends in the area and no reason aside from work to take me out of the house, when I do go out I'm (unintentionally on Y's part) made to feel that I shouldn't be out.

And now I'm rambling and have no idea where I'm going with this. . .

I'm not sure if I can blog about last night.

It's not that I don't want to, more that I don't think I can put it into words.

Colour Me In

These are this week's nails and I'm undecided.

Does the colour clash with my skin, should it be avoided altogether or is it beautiful?

Clipping

Yesterday I got sick and tired of the boys (well, one boy in particular) not having their hair cut, and bought a set of hair clippers. Previous efforts at cutting Yuri's hair had resulted in his mum finishing the job, and TB, well you're lucky if you can get him near a set of hair clippers or scissors, let alone actually cut his hair.

Yesterday, after TB had his tea, I was ready to attack. We fairly easily convinced him to strip down to his pants (stopping those pesky hairs from getting underneath his t-shirt or down his trousers) and persuaded him that it wasn't going to hurt and off we went. He found it quite amusing and highly scratchy seeing all the hair fall (and lets face it, there was a hell of a lot of it) and ended up with a plastic bag (see, you can re-use them!) on his lap to stop the hair getting on his legs. Even so, he ended up constantly swiping himself with a barber's brush to get rid of all the hair.

Best of all, we only had one difficult moment, when the clippers could no longer do the job around his ears and the only way forward was the scissors. But, with careful ear holding so he knew I couldn't cut his ears off, he just about let me get on with it.

Then, after showering him off, he sat down to watch it all happening to daddy.

Later on he looked in the mirror, and started running his hand over his hair in the manner of someone who is incredibly impressed with their new hair cut, proclaiming that he liked his hair short and we could cut it again another time. He also decided (and me too) that he looked just like daddy now they both had short hair.

And just to prove how much alike they are...

Tagged

I've been tagged by Mrs Kittenhead.

Remove 1 question from below and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post.

1. What do you really really want right now?
To get rid of the taste of that awful chicken and sweetcorn soup.

2. If you can turn into anything, what do you wish you can turn into?
A thin person - no going near size zero, but thinner than now.

3. How are you feeling now?
Sluggish - I should've just gotten up when TB first woke just after six, but instead kept trying to grab those few more minutes. For four hours.

4. Where is the place that you want to go most?
Now? Out to the shops.

5. If you have one dream to come true, what would it be?
To be financially comfortable, no need for a mortgage or worrying about what we can't spend each month. Not enough money to warrant giving up work, but enough not to struggle.

6. Do you want more children?
Yes. Maybe. Practicalities are an issue.

7. Do you think religion is redundant?
Religion, definately. Faith is a different matter.

8. What cheers you up for the rest of the day?
Getting out of work mid-afternoon!

9. If you meet someone you love, would you confess to him/her?
Not really an issue any more.

10. List out three good things of the person who tagged you.
Her kids rock!
She does some seriously groovy face painting.
Oh, and the blog ain't bad either.

11. What are the requirements that you wish of your other half?
Lack of back, nasal and ear hair. Ick! Well there's more, but I could be here for hours and he knows already.

12. What type of person do you hate the most?
The one's who like to think that they're your friend, but never make the effort to stay in contact, or let you down at the last minute. Consistently.

13. What would you do if you won a million dollars?
Change it into £s!

14. What would you wanna be remembered for after you're dead?
By who? The people I know now, or famously remembered in the future? It would be nice to just be remembered once all the friends and family are gone too. Nice, but highly unlikely.

15. If you have a chance, which part of your character would you like to change?
Probably my patience and strength.

16. What would you most want to achieve right now?

16. What do you think if you look out of your window right now?
That maybe summer might be on its way - it looks nice out there.

17. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Family, probably in the loosest sense of the word. I'd count friends in that term as well.

18. If there's one thing in your life you wanted to do but yet unable to, what would it be?
Learn Portuguese. There is hope. Starting from next week.

19. What do you see yourself as in the next 10 years?
Thinner? To be honest, I'm really not too sure.

20. If you were an animal, what would you be?
Definately a cat. I mean what could be better than eating, sleeping and mooching around all day.

And I'm going to tag (lets see how often they're reading this) Jeni, Yuri, Little Nut Tree, Tilly, Mum of 4, Midwife Muse, Hannah, Heidi.

Yesterday was both G & L's last day in the office. Having finished the financial year on an amazing 107% high on Thursday, it was more than time for a huge celebration.

Our last large event was a barbeque on the terrace and although we were keen to repeat its success, by Wednesday we were all agreed that the weather would be unlikely to hold out and opted for a humongous variety of bites and nibbles. Cue much time spent on our friendly Ocado delivery site and a rather extensive purchase of food to feed the masses (all 18 of us). Oh, and to get them very drunk. The food went down a storm, and what didn't get eaten was either taken home by people or will keep until next week for lunches, but by 5pm a number of the hardcore drinkers were getting very concerned about the dwindling alcohol supplies.

So we shut up shop and headed of to Bed Bar. Despite being warned that it wasn't the cheapest of places, I found it reasonably priced (especially as I didn't seem to buy any drinks - it's not that I refuse to buy, but that the more senior members of staff insist on looking after (read: getting as drunk as possible) the lesser paid secretaries) and the atmosphere in there was absolutely great.

Then we headed off to Smiths for yet more food (as if any of us really needed to add to what had been a very long and filling lunch. Top marks there to whoever cooked (or didn't, as the case may be) my steak as it was the bluest I have ever seen come out of a restaurant kitchen. By this point D had had more than enough to drink (actually, I think that point may have come an hour or two previously, but was really apparent now) and felt that champagne was necessary to carry on the celebrations. I think for most people it all went rapidly downhill from this point. By the time we'd eaten and left our table for one downstairs, the rest of the girls were flagging, head in hands and ready to drop. Except for the fact they all wanted to go out dancing too.

So next the challenge of finding an empty cab to Guanabara. Not an easy off one of the main roads and in amongst the many pre-booked cabs. But D felt that standing in the middle of the road waving at every full and empty cab would do the job, and in the end he was right. Two cabs found and off we went.

The others thought the place was an authentic Brasilian club but it couldn't be further from the truth. My impression is that Brasilians like it because it's a small reminder of home and everyone else likes it because they feel they're getting an "authentic Brasilian night out" but in truth, it's Brasilianness (yes, I know there's no such word), is more novelty value that authenticity. Somewhat worryingly, my colleagues have gained the belief that I may be able to samba. I'm not quite sure where that one came from, but I can assure you, I can not! They were also in complete awe of the videos from this year's carnival showing on the screen. As for me, I concentrated on dancing my heart out (well, something had to shift all those calories I'd consumed throughout the day) but by 1am I was flagging and called it a night.

Now of course, and as Yuri was I'm sure under the impression, you may expect me to be writing this with a killer hangover. For once after an alcoholic work event I am fine. A little worse for wear on the sleep stakes (Tommy wanted to be up at about 7 which is inhumane on any Saturday morning) but on no accounts hungover. You see, after getting disastrously drunk at the Christmas party, I was determined to come home in a good state, and after a few drinks at lunch, I sneakily stuck a bottle of coke under my chair with which to keep refilling my rum & coke, only without the rum. So, by the time we left the office I was probably the more sober of the bunch. At this point, sneakily sipping iced water (with poor lighting and condensation on the glass who's going to know it's not G&T) was a great help, and if your champagne glass seems surprisingly empty surprisingly quickly no-one will be sober enough to realise it started out that way. So I'm feeling good, and glad to prove to certain people that I can have a large night out and still get up the next morning.

But I may have to go and make coffee.

Negotiations

I attempted to resign today. I hadn't intended to do it until tomorrow, when I could get my two bosses together and lessen the trauma for myself, but it occurred to me that it would not be good form for the HR department to receive a request for a reference when I've not told them I'm leaving. That wouldn't be the best way for the news to be broken to them.

So, in the absence of A, I gave F the option of talking about an undisclosed subject today, or waiting until tomorrow when A was around. She chose today. It did not go well in that it seemed that F was as close to crying as I've ever seen her get, but she seemed supportive enough. I explained my reasons for going and although I was asked if there was anything they could do to get me to stay, I said that there wasn't. The company just wasn't the place for my future plans to be carried out.

I told D, who as a man, was definately not as upset by the news, but equally as disappointed. He had already guessed, having walked past F's room and seeing the door shut with the two of us talking, that something serious was going on.

Little over an hour later I took the letter into F, but she had more to say. She'd been speaking to the Dark One (the chief executive) and they'd both agreed that they didn't want to lose me. But, they didn't really have much of an idea how to keep me. On the salary basis, I explained what I'd be getting in my new job and F believed they could match it. But, she didn't think they could match the benefits. She suggested moving more towards formalities (with an associated pay rise of up to £10-15k) but it's not really the direction I want to be heading in. They'd thought of adding extra duties around IT liasion which would ceratinly be interesting, but didn't really have an idea of what they'd want done or what they'd be trying to achieve. It also seemed clear that they didn't have a too much of an idea of how IT deparments tend to function outside of the company. The problems they feel we're facing seem to me to be general problems with any IT system, and not necessarily specific to the company, and whilst I believe I could be of some use in that area, my lack of 'real' IT experience would probably render it a non-starter in terms of expanding my role. Other than that, while they were open to ideas on how to expand my role, they didn't really have any ideas on how to go about doing so themselves, and I can't really think of anything myself. In terms of what I'd want to do within the company, I would look at becoming PA to the CEO. It seems to me that her role has the right mix of duties, and the excitement of being higher up the ranks and really someone that can help in the day to day workings of the company rather than just another cog in the machine. However, a role like that would be impossible to create within the London office.

I also pointed out that being a very small office (at least within London), I would be very wary of stepping on people's toes in the pursuit of my own career progression. In terms of stepping over people, I feel it's easier to do so in a larger company, where there are more people competing for progression, better jobs and better pay packets. Although I'm not supposed to know (and won't detail how I do), I know about E's mini-promotion and was somewhat put out that it went to her without even consideration for myself. Even despite the fact that I wouldn't want her extra duties, turning her more into a host/secretary rather than just a secretary. What I do know though, is any progression on my part would put bad blood between us, and in an office over less than 20 people, bad blood is not a good way to work.

Apparently E already harbours negative feelings towards me because of the autonomy in the way I work; that I can pick something (technically simple) up that hasn't been touched by an attorney and have it pretty much ready to go to its relevant patent office before being seen by someone qualified; that I so quickly tuned in to the way each individual person works (even those that I don't work for) that I can pull out necessary jobs to take off their hands; even just that I generally work quickly and don't mess around in getting things done. In making myself indipensible to some people I've raised the game among the secretaries in the office, I'#ve made it that much more difficult for others to excel.

At that point, we left it that I would think about things overnight. But it hasn't taken me that long to come to a conclusion.

Regardless of how the company would manage to expand my duties, the novelty wouldn't last. I master things too easily, and get bored even more easily. It seems that in six to twelve months, maybe more, maybe less, I would outgrow those duties and we'd be back to square one again. There can only be so many times that we would go through the process before running out of ideas and new ways of keeping me happy and in one place. At this point it doesn't seem fair either to myself or to the company to keep on in that manner. At some point I would inevitably be ready to leave again, at which point they would be left with a role that would be difficult to fill, having been tailored to a specific person and that person's need. Instead, in leaving them now, I leave them with a post that's standard and easier to fill. And as for me, I think in leaving now, I can move into a role where I can grow with the company and train in ways I wouldn't be able to in my current or 'grown' position.

The good, the bad and the saggy boobs

So yesterday I went off to the hospital for my first appointment to see about getting a breast reduction. In the letters they sent to organise and confirm the appointment, they had wonderful leaflets telling me how I'd see everyone I needed to, get all the relevant tests done and get adate for my operation all in the one afternoon. Be prepared to spend half a day with us, it said.

I rushed out of work, grabbed lunch to eat on the run (slightly difficult when you pick a salad and they forget to give you a fork) and headed into the delights of the tube. They were surprisingly on time in the hospital and I couldn't wait to find out when I'd get the op done.

I was called in to an examination room, poked and prodded by the nurse, asked a few questions and then told the bad news. There is no funding for reductions at the hospital. They have to get my doctor to refer my case to the PCT to see if they'll fund it. If they do, then I go back for another appointment and the whole thing starts again. Worse still, it can take up to 18 months for the PCT to hear my case and make a decision, and after that it's on to the operation waiting list, with probably another six months to wait. Up to two years seems interminable. On the plus side, 18 months is a probably worst case scenario for the funding decision, and apparently the time on waiting lists is going down. Not much consolation when you were led to believe you would get an op date that day.

Birthday Dilemmas

- Mummy, what are these.
- They're the invitations for your birthday party.
- Oh. I don't want Alex to come to my birthday.
- Why not?
- Because he's too small. He's too small so he can't come.
- What about Alexander?
- He can come, he's big like me.
- But not Alex?
- No.

Luckily for Alex, I had no such reservations when writing the invitations, and TB will have forgotten this all by tomorrow.

Bagpipes

If you're currently in the queue of traffic on the west end of High Holborn you're being treated to the sound of bagpipes.

This is why.

Today WeightWatchers told me they'd noticed I'd had a bit of a [weight] gain. For the record, my scales say I haven't gained any weight this week. I haven't lost any either, but that's a different matter entirely.

Every week I weigh myself, at the same time, under the same conditions, and enter my weight into the weight tracker. It's rare that the tracker has anything positive to say. If I've lost weight the site usually feels it's too much in one go. If I gain weight it'll happily tell me, it must be my fault and I must be doing something wrong. If there's no change, again I must be doing something wrong. I'm not measuring portions properly is the stock excuse. I need to go back and reassess. Apparently there's no reason the plan shouldn't work exactly as expected, and the results, well they're expected as well. If my progress doesn't meet expectations, well that's my fault. And as for today's apparent gain, well there must be am explanation, and it's probably my fault.

What the site doesn't take into account is that these comments aren't always helpful. When every day is a struggle just to eat at the right time, regardless of sticking to the plan, every bit of encouragement is more than welcome. I don't need to be told I'm doing something wrong, I know I am. If I wasn't, I wouldn't be struggling like this. What I really need is congratulations on the small successes, even if it's only maintaining my weight when I've had a bad week. What I really need is some support.

Windmills and Warships

Yesterday we went up to Wimbledon Common, mainly to see the windmill, but it was such a nice day anyway that it was worth going for the walk. Tommy loved the chance to run free, and it was great to let him, to be able to tell him to run ahead without having to worry about the cars on the road. We looked at horses, dogs, birds and tried to spot foxes and snakes (although luckily for me, we didn't see a single slithery thing). We chased each others' shadows and ran around like kids (or at least I did, TB already has the excuse).

Inside the museum TB was facinated with the models of various UK windmills, and loved pressing various buttons to make each one work. He got the chance to see how the millstones grind grain into flour, and even got a bag of flour to take home after he'd helped to make it.

Today we headed up to London Bridge to look around the HMS Belfast. Before we'd even left the house, TB was so excited about the thought of going in the ship he'd only ever looked at in the past.

You're given the option of taking their audio tour headsets, and as there was a kids one, decided to give it a go. As you go around the ship, signs tell you the number to enter into the headset for the relevant description. Of course TB loved typing in the numbers and making the commentary play.

As well as seeing all the best bits of the ship, they had a kids activity today, and TB and I sat and made a peg sailor whilst Yuri wandered round the engines.

And of course, it was a tiring day for all of us (you try running around a warship chasing after an over-excited 3 year old), but maybe some more than others.

And now to the guilt

This is the first job I'm leaving where I've not been desperate to go. Don't get me wrong, I'm ready to leave. I've outgrown the job itself, and the only prospect for growth would take me in a direction I don't wish to travel. But I'm not itching to leave. While I'm not enjoying the job particularly, I do like working with the (majority of the) people. And I'll miss them once I've gone.

But this hasn't made it easy to find a new job. Every call I've taken, every email I've read or sent has shot guilt through me. I think they've known, even for much longer than I have, that my leaving would be on the cards. Every reference ever made to the chance I could go has been met with feelings that they'd never cope. I know they've come to rely on me over time, and that they're used to having someone who knows their style so well that they can just fill in the massive gaps that get left. I guess it'll be hard to find someone who can just pick that up from day one.

So I do feel guilty about leaving, even if it is time. Although I have my offer, I know it's not worth the risk of resigning until I have the papers in my hand. In any event, it should give
Them five weeks before I leave. I feel guilty that I can't give them longer, to help them out for that little bit more time.

So, for the next weeks, instead of doing everything possible to avoid doing or being at work, I'll be the best I've ever been, making sure I've done everything possible to help them carry on as usual once I've left.

Jobs and Guilt

Today I went for a second interview at a top ten, magic circle law firm (lets call it X). To be doing that, at this particular time, is definitely more than I'd planned, so perhaps I should tell the story.

After mum kindly offered to finance the necessary items for a new interview wardrobe and the remaining amount on my season ticket loan, I amended the previous version of my CV and got spousal, parental and sibling approval on it. I uploaded it to a job site and intended to forget about it for at least a few weeks whilst showing my colleagues that I did know how to dress suitably for a day in the office. When said job site sent an advert to my mailbox offering a free CV review service, I thought why not? They offered to upload my CV and details to a few more job sites and I agreed, once again intending to forget about things for a few weeks. Despite their email appearing on a Saturday morning, the CV review service didn't work on weekends (or evenings, for that matter), I opted for a weekday call back and didn't expect to hear anything more.

The next day I received a call from an agency who had found my CV on one of the job sites that I'd been automatically registered with after signing up for the CV review. However, I wasn't interested, as although the job was in Putney, it was in real estate. Still, it was much more than I'd expected to hear, especially as I still hadn't applied for any jobs at this point.

The following morning I received another call from an agency who had seen my CV on the same job site as the previous one. They sounded much more enthusiastic than the last, even when I mentioned that I wasn't interested in staying in patents, and noted a few areas of law that I'd prefer to avoid. So I went to meet them that lunch time. Not only did I meet the person I had spoken to on the phone, I also met two other consultants, all of which gave me the feeling that they were working as a team, instead of fighting over which candidate and company they each "owned". Whilst I was there, we discussed two jobs they wanted to put me forward for: one for two of this firms most senior partners, but involving no case work and offering a very low salary, especially considering who the role entailed working for; the other for X. I initially had reservations, while the company sounded like an excellent choice, they were looking to fill a float role, and floating wasn't something I had considered. In fact, I would go as far as to say it was something I was looking to avoid. They mentioned salary, and I'll admit it wasn't precisely in the region I was thinking of, however that region was defined by reading job adverts in London Careers and not based on any CV-related advice I had received. Having been taken in by their spiel about how I didn't have to go forward for anything I didn't want to, attend an interview or accept any job I didn't want, I felt I should allow them to submit my CV and see what happened from there.

In the next few days I received two further calls from agencies who had also picked up my CV online, however neither of them sounded hopeful as they were both looking to patent secretaries, a role I was most definitely avoiding.

A day later I received another call from the agency offering to put my CV forward for an IP litigation role paying more in the range I had been looking at. I asked them to go ahead, but after a few more days still hadn't heard anything further relating to any of the three roles they had put me forward for.

Just over two weeks after I had initially met with the agency, as I was starting to think that I may have been put to the bottom of a pile, I received a call from them. X had asked to interview me and would like to see me as soon as possible. That was Tuesday and I headed in for my interview on Thursday afternoon. Having met with the agency beforehand to discuss how things would work, I headed off to one of X's offices by Liverpool Street. Whilst the tests were somewhat unnerving (I am constantly paranoid about my typing whilst having no problem with grammar and accuracy tests) I passed them all and the interview at that point was plain sailing. I came out feeling positive and was happy to hear, within an hour, that a second interview was to be arranged the following week.

Over the next few days I had plenty of chance to examine how I felt about the role and the company thus far, and found my enthusiasm waning as the weekend progressed. Whilst I had no doubt that X would be a wonderful firm to work for, where I would receive incredible training and have some excellent opportunities, I was unconvinced as to whether I wanted to float, even if the progression from floating to fixed role was anticipated for the majority of people joining the team.

On Tuesday, as I arranged the interview, I made sure to request an early enough time so as to avoid taking further time off work for a role I was convinced I wouldn't take, even if it were to be offered. Despite this, I was still getting a little nervous last night. Even though I was sure I didn't want the job, and wouldn't accept it when I was offered it (I was that convinced that I would be), I still wanted to be offered it. I wanted to know that I could still manage to get a job offer (despite my incredibly shaky work history) and I wanted the security of knowing I could turn a job down.

So this morning I had the interview. I arrived at X's offices and was somewhat taken aback by the size and modern sense of grandeur of their offices. The interview went well and I was incredibly confident that I would get the job. I spoke to the agency and let them know that the interview had gone well and I was still interested. I also mentioned that I was somewhat unsure of the remuneration, especially in light of a speculative call I'd had with another agency yesterday evening that indicated I could easily be looking at 3-4k extra in a fixed role through them. The agency did their best not to be drawn in on this one, and reinforced the fact that I had yet to be offered the job and they would cross that bridge if and when they came to it. Even still, I remained confident and now knew I had laid down good foundations to refuse the job.

All was going to plan, except for the fact that I came to a few revelations about the job itself and my reasons for not wanting a role of that style. To be precise, I was and am scared. The very aspects of the job that I was using as my reasons for refusing any offer were down to fear of these issues. This fear was because the position is not a fixed one, there is frequent moving within the firm and often little chance to become comfortable in a placement. Each new placement comes with its new challenges and a whole new set of people to learn to work with. But, on trying to specify in my mind exactly what I did and didn't want from my next role, so I could be more specific as to what to look for, I realised that these were the things I have been missing out on in past jobs. I always, after a period of time, complain that I'm not being challenged, stretched, that every day is the same and I don't get the chance to learn new things, try different methods and see what works. I get bored and restless when I become too comfortable, and then things start to go downhill. Whilst I relish the chance of building solid, long-lasting relationships, I also know that I am not one for getting too close to my colleagues, so the opportunity to move around, even if infrequently at times, is one to be taken.

Within an hour or so I knew that the job was one I wanted, that despite my fears, I could conquer them, get myself known, and move up the ranks. I don't like to wait around; career development will not be a slow process.

Now the first set of issues had been resolved, the second set was more of a sticking point, that being, money. The money they were offering was 2-4k less than I'd envisaged achieving, and the agency, on discussing salary, had not seemed too hopeful of an increase in the salary offered. In addition, the benefits package may not be quite as extensive as some other major law firms in the city. The only person to discuss this one with was dad, so over lunch I trotted off to London Bridge for a coffee and some wise words. We worked out what I'd be missing out on, financially wise, if I were to accept the job, and thought about further prospects and whether they'd be better opportunities than this one. We ended up with happiness; would it be possible to achieve the level of happiness I thought I'd gain in the role if I were to find something elsewhere, and would I be able to increase my salary over time to compensate for the initial reduction in desired salary. In the end, having calculated what I'd actually be receiving each month, although the extra would be good, I just couldn't turn down the opportunities that were being offered.

However, there was one problem. I had yet to be offered the job.

I received a call from the agency mid-afternoon, but the news wasn't exactly what I had been hoping for. Unlike I had been led to believe, I wasn't the only person who was being considered from the role. But, X had drawn up a shortlist and were looking at the various packages and conditions the shortlisted were seeking. While I stated to the agency that I would prefer the higher end of the salary range, I eventually conceded and agreed that I would still be interested in the job if it were are the lower end of the scale. At this point I'd come so far in my thinking that I really didn't want to lose out.

The next half hour was nerve-wracking. Having been so sure that I would be offered the job, my confidence was suddenly failing me. By the time the agency called back, I was convinced that I had failed, and miserably at that. However I didn't. X offered me the job, at the higher end of the salary scale, and have provisionally agreed to my preferred start date (meaning that I shouldn't miss out on the bonus in my current job). It was rather difficult to wipe the grin off my face, but I had to. As they seem suspicious already, I can't afford to let the cat out of the bag at work until I have the papers in my hand.

I was going to mention guilt at this stage, but it's late, and I'm sure the world is bored of my ramblings for the moment. So for now I say goodnight, I shall broadcast again soon.

Earrings and Interviews

Tomorrow I have a second interview in a top ten law firm. Today I went over to the agency to prep.

Wearing my massive star-shaped earrings.

To say I gave them a shock might be an understatement. In fact the words reported to me were "she's not going to an interview wearing those is she?"

Now, to people you're only meeting for the third time, my choice of jewellery may seem a little loud. However, there are the people who credit me with being intelligent, smart and switched on, frequently, every time we speak or meet.

Do they honestly think I'm capable of those attributes and stupidity concurrently?

However they did give me a good indication of my chances (excellent, apparently) and a large handful of sweets.

Lunch

It's a simple thing, lunch. Every day, somewhere around midday, we sit to eat, something to take away the hunger that has grown since breakfast, something that will keep that hunger away until our evening meal. We all do it. It's simple.

But not for me.

Every lunch time is a challenge. What do I eat that won't be the start of the next binge. As a general rule, bread and pasta are off the menu. Nothing overly sweet, nothing that could be considered a snack. At the moment I'm on miso soup, a piece of fruit and a yogurt. It's safe. There's also points to consider; if it's low in points, there's less chance of a binge to follow. The more points I have stored, the greater the incentive to stay on track, the more control I feel I have over this. Control is good (despite the assertion of overeaters anonymous). When I am in control I am in a better position than when I'm consciously attempting to not be controlling.

My dilemma, today though, is lunch. Namely our late christmas lunch with our boss. For one reason or another (not many being my doing), I have managed to avoid it so far. But today that doesn't look possible. Todays it seems that I will have to do lunch. I don't know where we're going so I can't plan ahead, check the menu, work out the lowest point items. I can't see which foods are safe and which should be avoided. I am completely unprepared. I am getting more and more panicked since yesterday's announcement that today was the day. I thought of calling in sick, but it would only put it off, and I need to take too much time off at the moment anyway. So, for now I panic and worry.

London Stinks!

This morning, as I left the house, the only thought that was in my mind was that Wimbledon stinks. Literally.

This would be the reason why.

Missing child

TB have me the shock of my life earlier.

Having come out of the bathroom, I went to his room to see if he'd woken up. He wasn't there, so on my way to my room I glanced in the living room to see if he was there, which he wasn't. He wasn't in my room, or the kitchen, and when I checked the living room again he wasn't there.

I was waking Yuri up and getting incredibly panicked and worried when the boy sleepily emerged from the living room clutching tio and ammi.

He'd been crouching down, hidden by the table, looking for the toys he'd left there last night.

Blonde moment

I got rather worried yesterday when, with 20 minutes to the end of the day and a 15 minute tape to complete, my computer suddenly went blank. In fact, beyond blank. Completely dead.
I tried to get it to work, tried they keyboard, tried turning it on, checks all the cables were still plugged in. Nothing worked. IT's best suggestion was to unplug it, plug it back in and try again. Failing that, go home.

So I went to unplug the thing, only to find that in my kicking around to reach my pedal I'd kicked the power switch off.

Oops.

You know life's hard when...

...your Monday morning dilemma's about concealer.

Mine died on me this morning. With no warning whatsoever. I guessed it was coming to the end of it's life? We'd been friends for a long time.

The question is, do I quick with my trusty L'Oreal touche magique or switch to maybelline mousse? Which will cover my dark rings better? The ones that get worse with each passing day instead of bearing any relation to lack of sleep.

And while I'm at it, do I get a True Match Minerals compact or loose with brush?

From the mouth of a three year old...

"How many times have I told you...."

I think I'm in trouble.

Hello,

My name's Vic, and I'm a compulsive overeater. Food addict if you like.

Every day is a battle, one that I'm losing. Miserably.

Everywhere I turn, there are people trying to sabotage my progress, threatening the fine balance between abstinence and giving in. Cakes, sweets, biscuits at work. There's not just birthdays to celebrate, but the return from a holiday, an anniversary, a target, the end of a meeting, a just because. And I am not in enough control of my addiction to steer clear. 'Just one' is expected, but with this disease there is no such thing as 'just one'. 'Just one' is the start of a slippery slope. One that I can't navigate or leave with ease. 'Just one' becomes another, and one more. Until that one more becomes complete loss of control. Until I'm back to day zero. To the day before the beginning of abstinence.

The daily walk to and from work becomes a plethora of opportunities for the next fix. Every step is a new struggle not to step into yet another food-selling establishment. From the aromas littering the street to the people handing out free samples, everywhere I turn someone or something is trying to break me.

If I can get through the lunch break I'm half way there but the witching hour is yet to come. That dangerous combination of tiredness and hunger that slowly build, peaking as I make my way home past the shops and through the station. It's here where I'm most likely to falter, to fall. Here where I'm most likely to give in to the sugar and carbohydrate laden snacks.

One small trigger and it begins. The craving, the need for food becomes unimaginable, the only thing driving me on. Everything, every step, every thought is focussed on what and how to get the next thing to pass my lips. Nothing, not even fullness, sickness can stop me.

So at home we have a list of, what I call, banned substances; a number of foods that will trigger off an attack, often just by being in the house. The usual suspects are there: crisps, chocolate, sweets, biscuits, and some slightly less normal ones: rottisserie chicken, cheese, sliced meat, bread (although not sliced). On the whole, Yuri is generally quite good about not getting these things. Not all the time, but enough to make sure I don't constantly feel surrounded. But, having invited a house guest, he forgot to impart the 'rules' to her.

On getting home last might I found chicken and sliced cheese (much worse than a block which you at least have to take the time to cut from). There were chocolate biscuits from the day before, more biscuits and two large tubs of cream from the day before, something was going to have to give.

We have C staying with us and Yuri invited G to stay for dinner. So I cooked. TB was making excuses not to stay in bed and when I asked Yuri to sort him, he wanted me to do it, whilst cooking, despite the fact that he was chatting on msn. When I announced that dinner was ready I received next to no response from either C or G, and certainly no effort to leave their respective computers to get their food. It was enough to make me snap.

And in a plastic bag ended up a can of condensed milk, a jar of chocolate spread, a packet of gummy sweets, two packets of chocolate wafer biscuits, a packet of rich teas, two large pots of cream, a box of sliced cheese, a rottisserie chicken, half a tin of roses and half am easter egg, all to be hidden or thrown away. Because get I don't know it's in the house, I don't have to cling to a pillow with all my strength to stop myself from reaching for it, I don't find myself scratching away at my skin because I'm so agitated knowing it's there. Because, if it's not threatening me, I don't have to take valium to calm me down enough to sleep.

This train is now approaching its final destination,

London Waterloo. However, it may be quicker to exit through the front of the train and walk along the tracks. This is because trains are not permitted to exceed 2 mph on this stretch of track.

South West Trains like to call it an emergency speed restriction. I (and undoubtedly many other commuters) prefer to call it 'you've had two days to fix the problem and still haven't managed it.'
And we still have another four days of it after today.

Our Sunday