Little Bits

Where to find me

2008-09-11T14:46:00.002+01:00

Some time ago I moved my platform from blogger to wordpress. No problems for those who read straight from my domain. But, it's now occurred to me, that when I first comment on your site through blogger, you'll end up here. And have no idea where I've gone.

You can find me at Glowstars.

Another meme

2008-06-01T15:13:00.002+01:00

Because I just can't say no. Thanks Bun.

My ex was an interesting chap. I say interesting in the sense that it's the politest way of describing him without actually becoming insulting (which I'm sure would be fully justified but I just can't be arsed).

Maybe I should get off the computer and go and get my free lunch.

I love my family and friends, including those that I've gotten to know through blogging.

People would say anything in a magazine if it would earn them some money.

I don’t understand either of my boys. Maybe it's because they're men.

When I wake up in the morning it's always hard work.

I lost many things. It's like I just put them down and they disappear of the face of the planet.

Life is full of temptations.

My past has certainly been a varied one. You can't say I've stuck to the same path all my life...

I get annoyed increadibly easily. I'm not the most tolerant person.

Parties are great when you're a kid. They're never quite the same once you pass about 8 years old.

I wish that we were much more at ease financially

Dogs are by no means as great pets as cats.

Cats are the ultimate pets and an absolute must-have.

Tomorrow I will be starting my new job.

I have low tolerance of traffic, public transport, old people in the supermarket on a Saturday afternoon (ditto the post office at lunchtimes).

If I had a million dollars I would change it into pounds. Then it would probably just about cover a house purchase.

I’m totally terrified of... erm... nothing. I really can't think of anything right now.

The Big Five

2008-06-01T15:05:00.000+01:00

Big Five Test Results

Extroversion (28%) low which suggests you are very reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and private.
Accommodation (54%) medium which suggests you are moderately kind natured, trusting, and helpful while still maintaining your own interests.
Orderliness (46%) medium which suggests you are moderately organized, structured, and self controlled while still remaining flexible, varied, and fun.
Emotional Stability (46%) medium which suggests you average somewhere in between being calm and resilient and being anxious and reactive.
Inquisitiveness (22%) low which suggests you are overly small minded, traditional, and conventional at the expense too often of intellectual curiousity, possibility, and progress.

Take Free Big Five Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Drinks

2008-06-01T14:28:00.002+01:00

I like water. Good water that is. Not like the water in Brasilia, which tastes like the tap's connected to a swimming pool. Not like the water we get in our flat, which just tastes wrong. Give me a good bottle of water, a glass that's run through a filter, from a good tasting tap or even straight from a mountain spring (yes, I've drunk water straight from the ground in the past) and I'll be happy. Give me bad tasting water and I won't want to touch it. Which is the case at our place.

So to avoid the taste of bad water I live on squash (sugar-free, of course). But Y doesn't like me doing it for some reason. Says it's not good for me (lets ignore the fact that when I'm at work I drink probably three litres of plain, good water).

So, we struck a deal. We bought a water filter in the hope that it would get me to drink more plain water. The only catch was that if we bought the filter, I would have to drink the water. The trouble is, the taste hasn't improved much. And I'm stuck drinking the water. But at least Y's happy.

Unemployed

2008-05-31T11:35:00.002+01:00

Well technically I am. Until Monday morning I no longer have a job. I'm unemployed. In a period of transition. Between jobs. Unfortunately it doesn't feel as wonderful as it sounds.

Thursday night was my leaving do. Despite my ex-boss F's tyrannical nature making me half an hour late (for my own party) I still had a good time. By the time I arrived at Guanabara D had initiated some rather risky 'out of phase drinking' method involving ordering your next drink the moment your current one arrived. Happy hour had definately spurred him on with that one. Trouble was, that in a very short space of time drinks started piling up and not even he could keep up with the pace, though he definitely tried. As for me, I was rather taken by the flashing ice-cubes you used to attract your waitress' attention. Really should've brought one back with me.

After a while it made sense to me to slow the drinking rate. Sneaky as I am, I switched to guarana. Of course none of them having a clue about anything Brasilian beyond caipirinhas, no-one was any wiser to the fact that I'd stopped drinking alcohol. Still didn't stop me (as well as P & R) attempting to dance samba as a class began.

When F arrived after 9 we moved on to another pub although by that point everyone's pace had definately slowed. Our taxi back to Waterloo took us a very scenic route almost as far as Tottenham Court Road and back to the Aldwych again before depositing us at our destination later than we would've been if we'd walked.

I was glad to see, the next morning, that I wasn't the only one hungover. K had managed to get a train back to Ramsgate instead of Orpington and D very nearly ended up sleeping in J's spare bed instead of making it home. Of course beer and burger at Wetherspoons was the lunchtime hangover cure. Except I couldn't face the beer.

The afternoon was strange. Emptying my desk felt odd, and saying goodbye to people for the last time weird. But it's done now. And, until Monday morning, I'm unemployed.

Leftovers

2008-05-27T11:07:00.002+01:00

So, I don't think I was too successful with yesterday's list. Good job I'm off work today. Although, haveing only just gotten up now I'm not sure how much I'll actually get done, or whether I can be motivated enough to do the ironing. I guess the transformation into maid-kept mainsion will have to wait for a few years...

So today I have to ...

2008-05-26T10:11:00.008+01:00

~~Epilate~~
Tidy up the house. ~~Living room, kitchen,~~ bathroom, ~~our bedroom, TB's bedroom~~.
Transformation from bomb site to maid-kept mansion would be good.
Do my Portuguese homework (I haven't had a good look yet, but think it may be quite time consuming).
Convince Y to start work on my new template so I can move across to Wordpress with a swanky new blog.
Attempt to eat three (and no more) well balanced, low point meals.
~~Breakfast~~
~~Lunch~~
~~Dinner~~
Attack the ironing pile.
Wash and dry more clothes.
Crawl into a hole to avoid most of the above.

2008-05-23T08:18:00.002+01:00

I was sitting reading blogs this morning, and TB came up to me just as I was closing one. He saw the window close and asked me to go back. 'I want the one with G' (his nanny) on.'

It turns out he'd seen this and decided it was G.

Just another day at the office...

2008-05-21T15:25:00.005+01:00

P: I think I'm suffering from that ***.
All: Eh?
P: You know, ***, that sleeping disorder.
W: You mean narcolepsy. Necro is from the Latin, it means dead.
J: And you don't want to know what the philia means.
P: (Blushing) What have I said?
J: It means sleeping with dead people.
P: Oh no!

And all the while I'm keeping my head down at my desk trying not to crack up with laughter.

Banana Case

2008-05-21T12:12:00.002+01:00

Point taken?

I've been tagged!

2008-05-21T00:21:00.003+01:00

Although in the interests of everyone's sanity, I won't be tagging. I watch you all so will know if you've given it a go...

1. Where is your mobile phone?
In my bag I think. Maybe the table or whichever random pocket or surface it might be on.
2. Your significant other?
Has just made me review a 13 page ministry document.
3. Your hair?
Is fake. Blonde, medium length and rather funky now it's been cut.
4. Your skin?
Is spotty, greasy, dry, sensitive and generally an annoyance at best.
5. Your mother?
Is challenging, but her heart's in the right place.
6. Your favourite thing? Is probably a computer.
Music, movies, TV, blogging. What more does a girl want?
7. Your dream last night?
I can't remember. You'll have to ask me first thing in the morning next time.
8. Your favourite drink?
Irn Bru, Diet Coke and Diet Guarana (although not at the same time). If you want to add alcohol into the equation, caipirinha.
9. Your dream / goal?
I am goalless and dreamless. There's things I'd like to do in the future, but I wouldn't put them into either of those categories.
10. The room you’re in?
The living room.
11. Your ex?
They were all arses in their own ways.
12. Your fear?
Heights
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years?
Brasil
14. Where were you last night?
At my Portugues class, in the pub and then at the computer.
15. What you’re not?
Skinny
16. Muffins?
Starbucks Skinny lemon and poppyseed - the Pret imitation just doesn't cut it.
17. One of your wish list items?
Financial security
18. Where did you grow up?
Kent and Hampshire.
19. The last thing you did?
Read blogs
20. What are you wearing?
Pyjama bottoms and a vest top.
21. Your TV?
Is a rather large sized (both screen and depth) hand-me-down. Who says your family's old shit can't be useful!
22. Your pet(s)?
Are non-existant. Even if we could have one we'd probably start WW3 trying to choose between a cat or a dog.
23. Your computer?
Is a desktop and a laptop. Yes, we're a two computer family.
24. Your life?
Can be interesting at times.
25. Your mood?
Is tired right now. But then it is 12:30 at night.
26. Missing someone?
Sabrina. She so has to come to the UK to visit soon.
27. Your car?
Depends who you ask. I know I don't have one, but TB is convinced that mums 20 belongs to me!
28. Something you’re not? Haven't I already done this one?
29. Favourite store?
Gotta be Primark!
30. Your summer?
Is completely unplanned so far.
31. Like someone?
Depends who someone is.
32. Your favourite colour?
Pink.
33. Last time you laughed?
Today. Banana cases.
34. Last time you cried?
That's a good question.

10 Things I Thougth Today

2008-05-20T14:55:00.002+01:00

Because I was tagged by LNT.

1. Why does the alarm keep ringing? (This is probably my first thought most mornings)
2. I love the fringe but it's really getting on my nerves.
3. Should I buy the shirt in pink or red?
4. Why does nowhere have the shoes I want in my size?
5. How did I miss that suit yesterday? I must have walked straight past it. And it's perfect!
6. Should I get pao de queijo?
7. Bloody hell that's hot! (While trying to microwave salmon in a sandwich bag).
8. Should I go to OA tonight or should I try and get those shoes (and maybe stop at New Look and Primark whilst I'm down that way)?
9. Please will they stop giving me work - I want to blog!
10. Now who can I get that hasn't already been got?

An in response to number 10, I pick Bunny, Hannah, Town Mouse, Mum of 4 and Kittenhead.

Happy Birthday

2008-05-19T22:47:00.002+01:00

To me!

Today was my birthday. My 25th.

Yesterday mum, dad and B came over and we went for rodizio. Assuming that most of you won't have a clue what I'm on about, let me explain. Rodizio is Brasilian for BBQ. There's a place only a few minutes down the road from us that does an all you can eat buffet and BBQ. It's heaven on a plate. Not only is there a variety of hot Brasilian dishes and salads, the meat is brought round to your table and carved from skewers onto your plate. And just when you think you can't eat any more, they bring something else you haven't tried. Needless to say we didn't eat dinner last night.

Today I tried to sleep slightly later than a usual Monday but was thwarted by Y not wanting to get out of bed at 6:30 to take care of TB. I opened the remainder of my presents* (TB insisted I open all of the ones from my family whilst they were with us on Sunday) and managed to get out of the house before lunch time for some shopping.

Despite spending a large proportion of my afternoon wandering around Oxford Street I surprisingly came away having bought nothing. It wasn't that I didn't try, but more that I was too disorganised. You see to start, I wanted to buy another suit. But I didn't particularly want to buy a black one. So, having looked round a number of shops I established that unless I wanted to wear shorts (which I do not) or a 3/4 length sleeved jacket (which I also do not), then my options were limited to things well outside my price range (and does anyone else think it's ridiculous spending £110 on a jacket that you're hoping to slim beyond?).

I also went off to get my hair done. Before Christmas I modelled at the Toni & Guy Academy and left my number with the stylist in case she needed someone again. She didn't, but one of the other students did, so off I went for another free cut. Pictures will follow but it seems that Toni & Guy also train in the extreme application of serum, which does not sit well with my hair. Tomorrow maybe.

After that I had just enough time to try another suit, but of course, between the two I had to choose from, they didn't have both parts of either one in my sizes. By that time I had to head off for my Portugues class so came away with nothing. But tomorrow lunch time I'll be heading out for a suit and a pair of shows I picked, and then some other time will head to Primark to blow the rest of my money on many cheap and cheerful clothes.

So all in all, a good day.

* Note: truffles do not travel well by post.

Seven Songs Meme

2008-05-18T19:54:00.006+01:00

Although not technically tagged (or at least not that I've seen yet), I just couldn't resist this.

The rules:-List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now, shaping your spring. Post these instructions in your blog along with your 7 songs. Then tag 7 other people to see what they’re listening to.

1. I Wish I was in New Orleans

Although this is the Tom Waits version I'm absolutely hooked on the Scarlett Johannson version. The album's one that grows on you, but now it has, I just can't stop listening. If you manage to hear my preferred version, you'll see why I love it; the music box feel to it is so delicate and gentle.

2. Boa Sorte/Good Luck (Vanessa da Mata & Ben Harper)

This one grabbed my while we were in Brasil and now her two albums are a rather prominent feature on my iPod.

3. You Know I'm No Good (Amy Winehouse)

It seems a shame to me that Amy Winehouse is such a wreck because she's such a talented singer. This is one of my favourite of her songs.

4. Say It Right (Nelly Furtado)

And this one just gets me grooving! The beat makes me feel like it's a summer evening, filled with heavy heat.

5. Tropa de Elite (Tihuana)

Another Brasilian one. If you haven't seen the film yet, it's a must. It's a great driving song, and driving is best in the summer!

6. Low (Flo Rida feat. T-Pain)

What can I say, it's from a great movie. Song ain't bad either.

7. Ai Ai Ai (Vanessa da Mata)

I really liked the original of this song on her first album, but I absolutely love this version. Of course it reminds me of driving around Salvador in the swealtering heat, which is always something good to think about when the weather turns as bad as it's been this weekend.

Eat Some Lose Some

2008-05-18T10:31:00.000+01:00

Go here. Nuff said.

Happy Birthday

2008-05-15T21:27:00.002+01:00

Today was the boy's birthday. Of course, the festivities started on Sunday, but took a hold until today. Or would've done if I'd had my way.

When I got home from work yesterday, I took a double take as I saw what I thought was a wrapped present unwrapped and completed on his table.

In a few seconds while G wasn't looking he'd made his way into our room, found the presents I thought I'd hidden and managed to unwrap two before he was found. He'd gotten out a pack of power rangers pants and a clay dinosaur that you paint and also roars when you lift it.

This morning I wanted to see him open his presents before I left, so woke him up after I'd had breakfast. Despite insisting that he still needed 'five more minutes' he was up of his own accord in less time than that. It was all a very civilised affair. He sat on our bed (you try getting Y out of bed before 8:30) and opened all his cards before touching the presents. Of course he was rather happy to see a number of them contained money. Then one by one he opened each present taking the time to look at them and see what they were all about.

This evening I got home to find he'd been out spending his money already, and had bought a Star Wars transformer. He'd eaten from his new Power Rangers plate from B, played in the bath with his bubble gun from nanny & grandad and sat down to open more presents, some great clothes from C. And despite all the excitement, he still went to bed relatively easily, leaving me to blog all about it.

The Replacements

2008-05-13T20:59:00.002+01:00

It's strange knowing that those around you are looking for your replacement. It's stranger still to be actively involved in finding your own replacement.

My bosses have seen four people today and whilst I've not interviewed them myself, I've reviewed a number of CVs with a view to deciding who to interview, I've tested various skills and assessed the results and helped all three of the people I work for come to a decision as to who to offer the job to.

All while I'm still working in the job myself.

In terms of assessment, it was fairly easy to take the list of four down to three. Candidate B made such a mess of the first exercise with an inability to follow simple instructions, that she seemed a no-go from the start. Adding into the equation a poor performance on the second exercise and an incredibly slow completion of the third was enough to make it clear that she would not be right for the job.

Candidate D was ruled out in an instant as although she had comparable tests, my bosses just didn't feel they liked her overly much.

Candidates A and C were a different matter. Both A and F had different opinions on them. A really liked candidate A, while F preferred candidate C. But, both come with their problems. There is a strong possibility that candidate C will clash with E, one of the other secretaries. She also has rather high demands in terms of salary. Candidate A has a slightly dubious reason for leaving (being dismissed from) her last job (although the information has come from a contact who doesn't necessarily have the full and complete story).

Although A and F agreed to sleep on it, it looks like tomorrow morning they will be offering a job to candidate C, keeping candidate A as a back up, subject to her references.

I'm pleased that they seem to have found someone so quickly, as it worried me to be leaving them without someone to 'look after' them. I just hope they've picked the right person and it all works out.

2008-05-13T08:12:00.003+01:00

Sunday was TB's birthday party in one of these:

Unfortunately when he woke up in the morning, he wasn't feeling to great, but perked up as the morning went on so we decided to go ahead. Of course, the moment his first friends arrived he was as well as can be.

On the downside, the party did seem to finish him off, because although he went to bed right as rain, he's since thrown up, is running a fever and didn't make it into school yesterday. But he had the party and the presents so, as far as he's concerned, it's all ok.

Dawn Chorus

2008-05-11T00:12:00.002+01:00

Last night, at about 3, I woke to find TB in the middle of our bed, and downstairs karaokeing to some very loud music, very badly. Not only had they managed to wake Y up (not difficult) and TB (slightly more so), but they'd woken me up (and that's next to impossible).

Y was mad,no other word for it, and was ready to call the police. I dissauded him, and instead made him go downstairs to complain. The response he got was a retort along the lines of "but we've complained about you stepping loudly before". Not at 3 o'bloody'clock in the morning you haven't. Someone in there had the sense to turn the music off at that point, and we thought we'd get back to sleep. No such luck. Within 5 minutes both the music and the singing resumed.

As I was trying to find the number for the local police station, someone from one of the surrounding residences had also taken offence, and was out in the street shouting at them to turn the noise down. Once again a far from perfect response as they shouted out to her "well what song would you like us to play for you?" Again the music went off, but only for a few minutes.

By this point I was calling the police, who helpfully said they didn't deal with such disturbances. They could give me the number for environmental health though, but it took quite some time for them to search for it whilst I was on hold.

So I called environmental health, but by this point environmental health had stopped sending people out to noise-related distubances for the night. Luckily, though, they seemed to lose momentum from that point onwards, and somewhere around the time I fell back to sleep, got bored and stopped singing.

But not before I'd felt I'd missed out on a proper night's sleep.

The hair

2008-05-10T20:10:00.002+01:00

Please excuse the face, which is un-made because it's the weekend and our furthest trip was to the shops - Y apparently doesn't have the software to make me beautiful.

A note to Wordpress users

2008-05-09T16:54:00.002+01:00

Please note that due to my complete and utter boredom and lack of anything to do whilst at work, I have now taken to reading blogs from my desk. However, whilst blogger and vox and many other blogging tools are not banned by symantec, wordpress is. As such, I kindly request that you move your blogging activities to another platform in order to alleviate my boredom.

Many thanks.

Glowstars

2008-05-08T13:24:00.001+01:00

Last night things came to a head and we discussed faith (particularly my current lack of it) and how we're both feeling in our relationship.

My feelings are raw.

A shrink would say the loss of my faith is a reaction to Y putting all his energies into the church at the expense of our relationship, and also putting those energies into other countries instead of focussing on the people in London (of course that's something for another post entirely).

A shrink would also say that my feeling 'friendless' is a result of our going to Brasil, and my subsequent depression. Two issues that may not have had the same impact if endured separately. Of course, that still doesn't change the fact that the people I'm closest to are my colleagues and the people I can really count on are my fellow bloggers. Yes, C may be here, but I've only really known her for a month and in that time it has become clear that we're at two different ends of a very long scale.

So, not only do I feel incredibly isolated in having no friends in the area and no reason aside from work to take me out of the house, when I do go out I'm (unintentionally on Y's part) made to feel that I shouldn't be out.

And now I'm rambling and have no idea where I'm going with this. . .

2008-05-08T07:39:00.002+01:00

I'm not sure if I can blog about last night.

It's not that I don't want to, more that I don't think I can put it into words.

Colour Me In

2008-05-07T10:09:00.002+01:00

These are this week's nails and I'm undecided.

Does the colour clash with my skin, should it be avoided altogether or is it beautiful?

Clipping

2008-05-06T20:43:00.002+01:00

Yesterday I got sick and tired of the boys (well, one boy in particular) not having their hair cut, and bought a set of hair clippers. Previous efforts at cutting Yuri's hair had resulted in his mum finishing the job, and TB, well you're lucky if you can get him near a set of hair clippers or scissors, let alone actually cut his hair.

Yesterday, after TB had his tea, I was ready to attack. We fairly easily convinced him to strip down to his pants (stopping those pesky hairs from getting underneath his t-shirt or down his trousers) and persuaded him that it wasn't going to hurt and off we went. He found it quite amusing and highly scratchy seeing all the hair fall (and lets face it, there was a hell of a lot of it) and ended up with a plastic bag (see, you can re-use them!) on his lap to stop the hair getting on his legs. Even so, he ended up constantly swiping himself with a barber's brush to get rid of all the hair.

Best of all, we only had one difficult moment, when the clippers could no longer do the job around his ears and the only way forward was the scissors. But, with careful ear holding so he knew I couldn't cut his ears off, he just about let me get on with it.

Then, after showering him off, he sat down to watch it all happening to daddy.

Later on he looked in the mirror, and started running his hand over his hair in the manner of someone who is incredibly impressed with their new hair cut, proclaiming that he liked his hair short and we could cut it again another time. He also decided (and me too) that he looked just like daddy now they both had short hair.

And just to prove how much alike they are...

Tagged

2008-05-05T13:21:00.003+01:00

I've been tagged by Mrs Kittenhead.

Remove 1 question from below and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post.

1. What do you really really want right now?
To get rid of the taste of that awful chicken and sweetcorn soup.

2. If you can turn into anything, what do you wish you can turn into?
A thin person - no going near size zero, but thinner than now.

3. How are you feeling now?
Sluggish - I should've just gotten up when TB first woke just after six, but instead kept trying to grab those few more minutes. For four hours.

4. Where is the place that you want to go most?
Now? Out to the shops.

5. If you have one dream to come true, what would it be?
To be financially comfortable, no need for a mortgage or worrying about what we can't spend each month. Not enough money to warrant giving up work, but enough not to struggle.

6. Do you want more children?
Yes. Maybe. Practicalities are an issue.

7. Do you think religion is redundant?
Religion, definately. Faith is a different matter.

8. What cheers you up for the rest of the day?
Getting out of work mid-afternoon!

9. If you meet someone you love, would you confess to him/her?
Not really an issue any more.

10. List out three good things of the person who tagged you.
Her kids rock!
She does some seriously groovy face painting.
Oh, and the blog ain't bad either.

11. What are the requirements that you wish of your other half?
Lack of back, nasal and ear hair. Ick! Well there's more, but I could be here for hours and he knows already.

12. What type of person do you hate the most?
The one's who like to think that they're your friend, but never make the effort to stay in contact, or let you down at the last minute. Consistently.

13. What would you do if you won a million dollars?
Change it into £s!

14. What would you wanna be remembered for after you're dead?
By who? The people I know now, or famously remembered in the future? It would be nice to just be remembered once all the friends and family are gone too. Nice, but highly unlikely.

15. If you have a chance, which part of your character would you like to change?
Probably my patience and strength.

~~16. What would you most want to achieve right now?~~

16. What do you think if you look out of your window right now?
That maybe summer might be on its way - it looks nice out there.

17. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Family, probably in the loosest sense of the word. I'd count friends in that term as well.

18. If there's one thing in your life you wanted to do but yet unable to, what would it be?
Learn Portuguese. There is hope. Starting from next week.

19. What do you see yourself as in the next 10 years?
Thinner? To be honest, I'm really not too sure.

20. If you were an animal, what would you be?
Definately a cat. I mean what could be better than eating, sleeping and mooching around all day.

And I'm going to tag (lets see how often they're reading this) Jeni, Yuri, Little Nut Tree, Tilly, Mum of 4, Midwife Muse, Hannah, Heidi.

2008-05-03T08:55:00.003+01:00

Yesterday was both G & L's last day in the office. Having finished the financial year on an amazing 107% high on Thursday, it was more than time for a huge celebration.

Our last large event was a barbeque on the terrace and although we were keen to repeat its success, by Wednesday we were all agreed that the weather would be unlikely to hold out and opted for a humongous variety of bites and nibbles. Cue much time spent on our friendly Ocado delivery site and a rather extensive purchase of food to feed the masses (all 18 of us). Oh, and to get them very drunk. The food went down a storm, and what didn't get eaten was either taken home by people or will keep until next week for lunches, but by 5pm a number of the hardcore drinkers were getting very concerned about the dwindling alcohol supplies.

So we shut up shop and headed of to Bed Bar. Despite being warned that it wasn't the cheapest of places, I found it reasonably priced (especially as I didn't seem to buy any drinks - it's not that I refuse to buy, but that the more senior members of staff insist on looking after (read: getting as drunk as possible) the lesser paid secretaries) and the atmosphere in there was absolutely great.

Then we headed off to Smiths for yet more food (as if any of us really needed to add to what had been a very long and filling lunch. Top marks there to whoever cooked (or didn't, as the case may be) my steak as it was the bluest I have ever seen come out of a restaurant kitchen. By this point D had had more than enough to drink (actually, I think that point may have come an hour or two previously, but was really apparent now) and felt that champagne was necessary to carry on the celebrations. I think for most people it all went rapidly downhill from this point. By the time we'd eaten and left our table for one downstairs, the rest of the girls were flagging, head in hands and ready to drop. Except for the fact they all wanted to go out dancing too.

So next the challenge of finding an empty cab to Guanabara. Not an easy off one of the main roads and in amongst the many pre-booked cabs. But D felt that standing in the middle of the road waving at every full and empty cab would do the job, and in the end he was right. Two cabs found and off we went.

The others thought the place was an authentic Brasilian club but it couldn't be further from the truth. My impression is that Brasilians like it because it's a small reminder of home and everyone else likes it because they feel they're getting an "authentic Brasilian night out" but in truth, it's Brasilianness (yes, I know there's no such word), is more novelty value that authenticity. Somewhat worryingly, my colleagues have gained the belief that I may be able to samba. I'm not quite sure where that one came from, but I can assure you, I can not! They were also in complete awe of the videos from this year's carnival showing on the screen. As for me, I concentrated on dancing my heart out (well, something had to shift all those calories I'd consumed throughout the day) but by 1am I was flagging and called it a night.

Now of course, and as Yuri was I'm sure under the impression, you may expect me to be writing this with a killer hangover. For once after an alcoholic work event I am fine. A little worse for wear on the sleep stakes (Tommy wanted to be up at about 7 which is inhumane on any Saturday morning) but on no accounts hungover. You see, after getting disastrously drunk at the Christmas party, I was determined to come home in a good state, and after a few drinks at lunch, I sneakily stuck a bottle of coke under my chair with which to keep refilling my rum & coke, only without the rum. So, by the time we left the office I was probably the more sober of the bunch. At this point, sneakily sipping iced water (with poor lighting and condensation on the glass who's going to know it's not G&T) was a great help, and if your champagne glass seems surprisingly empty surprisingly quickly no-one will be sober enough to realise it started out that way. So I'm feeling good, and glad to prove to certain people that I can have a large night out and still get up the next morning.

But I may have to go and make coffee.

Negotiations

2008-04-30T21:06:00.004+01:00

I attempted to resign today. I hadn't intended to do it until tomorrow, when I could get my two bosses together and lessen the trauma for myself, but it occurred to me that it would not be good form for the HR department to receive a request for a reference when I've not told them I'm leaving. That wouldn't be the best way for the news to be broken to them.

So, in the absence of A, I gave F the option of talking about an undisclosed subject today, or waiting until tomorrow when A was around. She chose today. It did not go well in that it seemed that F was as close to crying as I've ever seen her get, but she seemed supportive enough. I explained my reasons for going and although I was asked if there was anything they could do to get me to stay, I said that there wasn't. The company just wasn't the place for my future plans to be carried out.

I told D, who as a man, was definately not as upset by the news, but equally as disappointed. He had already guessed, having walked past F's room and seeing the door shut with the two of us talking, that something serious was going on.

Little over an hour later I took the letter into F, but she had more to say. She'd been speaking to the Dark One (the chief executive) and they'd both agreed that they didn't want to lose me. But, they didn't really have much of an idea how to keep me. On the salary basis, I explained what I'd be getting in my new job and F believed they could match it. But, she didn't think they could match the benefits. She suggested moving more towards formalities (with an associated pay rise of up to £10-15k) but it's not really the direction I want to be heading in. They'd thought of adding extra duties around IT liasion which would ceratinly be interesting, but didn't really have an idea of what they'd want done or what they'd be trying to achieve. It also seemed clear that they didn't have a too much of an idea of how IT deparments tend to function outside of the company. The problems they feel we're facing seem to me to be general problems with any IT system, and not necessarily specific to the company, and whilst I believe I could be of some use in that area, my lack of 'real' IT experience would probably render it a non-starter in terms of expanding my role. Other than that, while they were open to ideas on how to expand my role, they didn't really have any ideas on how to go about doing so themselves, and I can't really think of anything myself. In terms of what I'd want to do within the company, I would look at becoming PA to the CEO. It seems to me that her role has the right mix of duties, and the excitement of being higher up the ranks and really someone that can help in the day to day workings of the company rather than just another cog in the machine. However, a role like that would be impossible to create within the London office.

I also pointed out that being a very small office (at least within London), I would be very wary of stepping on people's toes in the pursuit of my own career progression. In terms of stepping over people, I feel it's easier to do so in a larger company, where there are more people competing for progression, better jobs and better pay packets. Although I'm not supposed to know (and won't detail how I do), I know about E's mini-promotion and was somewhat put out that it went to her without even consideration for myself. Even despite the fact that I wouldn't want her extra duties, turning her more into a host/secretary rather than just a secretary. What I do know though, is any progression on my part would put bad blood between us, and in an office over less than 20 people, bad blood is not a good way to work.

Apparently E already harbours negative feelings towards me because of the autonomy in the way I work; that I can pick something (technically simple) up that hasn't been touched by an attorney and have it pretty much ready to go to its relevant patent office before being seen by someone qualified; that I so quickly tuned in to the way each individual person works (even those that I don't work for) that I can pull out necessary jobs to take off their hands; even just that I generally work quickly and don't mess around in getting things done. In making myself indipensible to some people I've raised the game among the secretaries in the office, I'#ve made it that much more difficult for others to excel.

At that point, we left it that I would think about things overnight. But it hasn't taken me that long to come to a conclusion.

Regardless of how the company would manage to expand my duties, the novelty wouldn't last. I master things too easily, and get bored even more easily. It seems that in six to twelve months, maybe more, maybe less, I would outgrow those duties and we'd be back to square one again. There can only be so many times that we would go through the process before running out of ideas and new ways of keeping me happy and in one place. At this point it doesn't seem fair either to myself or to the company to keep on in that manner. At some point I would inevitably be ready to leave again, at which point they would be left with a role that would be difficult to fill, having been tailored to a specific person and that person's need. Instead, in leaving them now, I leave them with a post that's standard and easier to fill. And as for me, I think in leaving now, I can move into a role where I can grow with the company and train in ways I wouldn't be able to in my current or 'grown' position.

The good, the bad and the saggy boobs

2008-04-30T07:34:00.003+01:00

So yesterday I went off to the hospital for my first appointment to see about getting a breast reduction. In the letters they sent to organise and confirm the appointment, they had wonderful leaflets telling me how I'd see everyone I needed to, get all the relevant tests done and get adate for my operation all in the one afternoon. Be prepared to spend half a day with us, it said.

I rushed out of work, grabbed lunch to eat on the run (slightly difficult when you pick a salad and they forget to give you a fork) and headed into the delights of the tube. They were surprisingly on time in the hospital and I couldn't wait to find out when I'd get the op done.

I was called in to an examination room, poked and prodded by the nurse, asked a few questions and then told the bad news. There is no funding for reductions at the hospital. They have to get my doctor to refer my case to the PCT to see if they'll fund it. If they do, then I go back for another appointment and the whole thing starts again. Worse still, it can take up to 18 months for the PCT to hear my case and make a decision, and after that it's on to the operation waiting list, with probably another six months to wait. Up to two years seems interminable. On the plus side, 18 months is a probably worst case scenario for the funding decision, and apparently the time on waiting lists is going down. Not much consolation when you were led to believe you would get an op date that day.

Birthday Dilemmas

2008-04-29T09:51:00.001+01:00

- Mummy, what are these.
- They're the invitations for your birthday party.
- Oh. I don't want Alex to come to my birthday.
- Why not?
- Because he's too small. He's too small so he can't come.
- What about Alexander?
- He can come, he's big like me.
- But not Alex?
- No.

Luckily for Alex, I had no such reservations when writing the invitations, and TB will have forgotten this all by tomorrow.

Bagpipes

2008-04-28T13:02:00.002+01:00

If you're currently in the queue of traffic on the west end of High Holborn you're being treated to the sound of bagpipes.

This is why.

2008-04-28T10:12:00.001+01:00

Today WeightWatchers told me they'd noticed I'd had a bit of a [weight] gain. For the record, my scales say I haven't gained any weight this week. I haven't lost any either, but that's a different matter entirely.

Every week I weigh myself, at the same time, under the same conditions, and enter my weight into the weight tracker. It's rare that the tracker has anything positive to say. If I've lost weight the site usually feels it's too much in one go. If I gain weight it'll happily tell me, it must be my fault and I must be doing something wrong. If there's no change, again I must be doing something wrong. I'm not measuring portions properly is the stock excuse. I need to go back and reassess. Apparently there's no reason the plan shouldn't work exactly as expected, and the results, well they're expected as well. If my progress doesn't meet expectations, well that's my fault. And as for today's apparent gain, well there must be am explanation, and it's probably my fault.

What the site doesn't take into account is that these comments aren't always helpful. When every day is a struggle just to eat at the right time, regardless of sticking to the plan, every bit of encouragement is more than welcome. I don't need to be told I'm doing something wrong, I know I am. If I wasn't, I wouldn't be struggling like this. What I really need is congratulations on the small successes, even if it's only maintaining my weight when I've had a bad week. What I really need is some support.

Windmills and Warships

2008-04-27T19:18:00.005+01:00

Yesterday we went up to Wimbledon Common, mainly to see the windmill, but it was such a nice day anyway that it was worth going for the walk. Tommy loved the chance to run free, and it was great to let him, to be able to tell him to run ahead without having to worry about the cars on the road. We looked at horses, dogs, birds and tried to spot foxes and snakes (although luckily for me, we didn't see a single slithery thing). We chased each others' shadows and ran around like kids (or at least I did, TB already has the excuse).

Inside the museum TB was facinated with the models of various UK windmills, and loved pressing various buttons to make each one work. He got the chance to see how the millstones grind grain into flour, and even got a bag of flour to take home after he'd helped to make it.

Today we headed up to London Bridge to look around the HMS Belfast. Before we'd even left the house, TB was so excited about the thought of going in the ship he'd only ever looked at in the past.

You're given the option of taking their audio tour headsets, and as there was a kids one, decided to give it a go. As you go around the ship, signs tell you the number to enter into the headset for the relevant description. Of course TB loved typing in the numbers and making the commentary play.

As well as seeing all the best bits of the ship, they had a kids activity today, and TB and I sat and made a peg sailor whilst Yuri wandered round the engines.

And of course, it was a tiring day for all of us (you try running around a warship chasing after an over-excited 3 year old), but maybe some more than others.

And now to the guilt

2008-04-25T10:08:00.001+01:00

This is the first job I'm leaving where I've not been desperate to go. Don't get me wrong, I'm ready to leave. I've outgrown the job itself, and the only prospect for growth would take me in a direction I don't wish to travel. But I'm not itching to leave. While I'm not enjoying the job particularly, I do like working with the (majority of the) people. And I'll miss them once I've gone.

But this hasn't made it easy to find a new job. Every call I've taken, every email I've read or sent has shot guilt through me. I think they've known, even for much longer than I have, that my leaving would be on the cards. Every reference ever made to the chance I could go has been met with feelings that they'd never cope. I know they've come to rely on me over time, and that they're used to having someone who knows their style so well that they can just fill in the massive gaps that get left. I guess it'll be hard to find someone who can just pick that up from day one.

So I do feel guilty about leaving, even if it is time. Although I have my offer, I know it's not worth the risk of resigning until I have the papers in my hand. In any event, it should give
Them five weeks before I leave. I feel guilty that I can't give them longer, to help them out for that little bit more time.

So, for the next weeks, instead of doing everything possible to avoid doing or being at work, I'll be the best I've ever been, making sure I've done everything possible to help them carry on as usual once I've left.

Jobs and Guilt

2008-04-24T23:09:00.002+01:00

Today I went for a second interview at a top ten, magic circle law firm (lets call it X). To be doing that, at this particular time, is definitely more than I'd planned, so perhaps I should tell the story.

After mum kindly offered to finance the necessary items for a new interview wardrobe and the remaining amount on my season ticket loan, I amended the previous version of my CV and got spousal, parental and sibling approval on it. I uploaded it to a job site and intended to forget about it for at least a few weeks whilst showing my colleagues that I did know how to dress suitably for a day in the office. When said job site sent an advert to my mailbox offering a free CV review service, I thought why not? They offered to upload my CV and details to a few more job sites and I agreed, once again intending to forget about things for a few weeks. Despite their email appearing on a Saturday morning, the CV review service didn't work on weekends (or evenings, for that matter), I opted for a weekday call back and didn't expect to hear anything more.

The next day I received a call from an agency who had found my CV on one of the job sites that I'd been automatically registered with after signing up for the CV review. However, I wasn't interested, as although the job was in Putney, it was in real estate. Still, it was much more than I'd expected to hear, especially as I still hadn't applied for any jobs at this point.

The following morning I received another call from an agency who had seen my CV on the same job site as the previous one. They sounded much more enthusiastic than the last, even when I mentioned that I wasn't interested in staying in patents, and noted a few areas of law that I'd prefer to avoid. So I went to meet them that lunch time. Not only did I meet the person I had spoken to on the phone, I also met two other consultants, all of which gave me the feeling that they were working as a team, instead of fighting over which candidate and company they each "owned". Whilst I was there, we discussed two jobs they wanted to put me forward for: one for two of this firms most senior partners, but involving no case work and offering a very low salary, especially considering who the role entailed working for; the other for X. I initially had reservations, while the company sounded like an excellent choice, they were looking to fill a float role, and floating wasn't something I had considered. In fact, I would go as far as to say it was something I was looking to avoid. They mentioned salary, and I'll admit it wasn't precisely in the region I was thinking of, however that region was defined by reading job adverts in London Careers and not based on any CV-related advice I had received. Having been taken in by their spiel about how I didn't have to go forward for anything I didn't want to, attend an interview or accept any job I didn't want, I felt I should allow them to submit my CV and see what happened from there.

In the next few days I received two further calls from agencies who had also picked up my CV online, however neither of them sounded hopeful as they were both looking to patent secretaries, a role I was most definitely avoiding.

A day later I received another call from the agency offering to put my CV forward for an IP litigation role paying more in the range I had been looking at. I asked them to go ahead, but after a few more days still hadn't heard anything further relating to any of the three roles they had put me forward for.

Just over two weeks after I had initially met with the agency, as I was starting to think that I may have been put to the bottom of a pile, I received a call from them. X had asked to interview me and would like to see me as soon as possible. That was Tuesday and I headed in for my interview on Thursday afternoon. Having met with the agency beforehand to discuss how things would work, I headed off to one of X's offices by Liverpool Street. Whilst the tests were somewhat unnerving (I am constantly paranoid about my typing whilst having no problem with grammar and accuracy tests) I passed them all and the interview at that point was plain sailing. I came out feeling positive and was happy to hear, within an hour, that a second interview was to be arranged the following week.

Over the next few days I had plenty of chance to examine how I felt about the role and the company thus far, and found my enthusiasm waning as the weekend progressed. Whilst I had no doubt that X would be a wonderful firm to work for, where I would receive incredible training and have some excellent opportunities, I was unconvinced as to whether I wanted to float, even if the progression from floating to fixed role was anticipated for the majority of people joining the team.

On Tuesday, as I arranged the interview, I made sure to request an early enough time so as to avoid taking further time off work for a role I was convinced I wouldn't take, even if it were to be offered. Despite this, I was still getting a little nervous last night. Even though I was sure I didn't want the job, and wouldn't accept it when I was offered it (I was that convinced that I would be), I still wanted to be offered it. I wanted to know that I could still manage to get a job offer (despite my incredibly shaky work history) and I wanted the security of knowing I could turn a job down.

So this morning I had the interview. I arrived at X's offices and was somewhat taken aback by the size and modern sense of grandeur of their offices. The interview went well and I was incredibly confident that I would get the job. I spoke to the agency and let them know that the interview had gone well and I was still interested. I also mentioned that I was somewhat unsure of the remuneration, especially in light of a speculative call I'd had with another agency yesterday evening that indicated I could easily be looking at 3-4k extra in a fixed role through them. The agency did their best not to be drawn in on this one, and reinforced the fact that I had yet to be offered the job and they would cross that bridge if and when they came to it. Even still, I remained confident and now knew I had laid down good foundations to refuse the job.

All was going to plan, except for the fact that I came to a few revelations about the job itself and my reasons for not wanting a role of that style. To be precise, I was and am scared. The very aspects of the job that I was using as my reasons for refusing any offer were down to fear of these issues. This fear was because the position is not a fixed one, there is frequent moving within the firm and often little chance to become comfortable in a placement. Each new placement comes with its new challenges and a whole new set of people to learn to work with. But, on trying to specify in my mind exactly what I did and didn't want from my next role, so I could be more specific as to what to look for, I realised that these were the things I have been missing out on in past jobs. I always, after a period of time, complain that I'm not being challenged, stretched, that every day is the same and I don't get the chance to learn new things, try different methods and see what works. I get bored and restless when I become too comfortable, and then things start to go downhill. Whilst I relish the chance of building solid, long-lasting relationships, I also know that I am not one for getting too close to my colleagues, so the opportunity to move around, even if infrequently at times, is one to be taken.

Within an hour or so I knew that the job was one I wanted, that despite my fears, I could conquer them, get myself known, and move up the ranks. I don't like to wait around; career development will not be a slow process.

Now the first set of issues had been resolved, the second set was more of a sticking point, that being, money. The money they were offering was 2-4k less than I'd envisaged achieving, and the agency, on discussing salary, had not seemed too hopeful of an increase in the salary offered. In addition, the benefits package may not be quite as extensive as some other major law firms in the city. The only person to discuss this one with was dad, so over lunch I trotted off to London Bridge for a coffee and some wise words. We worked out what I'd be missing out on, financially wise, if I were to accept the job, and thought about further prospects and whether they'd be better opportunities than this one. We ended up with happiness; would it be possible to achieve the level of happiness I thought I'd gain in the role if I were to find something elsewhere, and would I be able to increase my salary over time to compensate for the initial reduction in desired salary. In the end, having calculated what I'd actually be receiving each month, although the extra would be good, I just couldn't turn down the opportunities that were being offered.

However, there was one problem. I had yet to be offered the job.

I received a call from the agency mid-afternoon, but the news wasn't exactly what I had been hoping for. Unlike I had been led to believe, I wasn't the only person who was being considered from the role. But, X had drawn up a shortlist and were looking at the various packages and conditions the shortlisted were seeking. While I stated to the agency that I would prefer the higher end of the salary range, I eventually conceded and agreed that I would still be interested in the job if it were are the lower end of the scale. At this point I'd come so far in my thinking that I really didn't want to lose out.

The next half hour was nerve-wracking. Having been so sure that I would be offered the job, my confidence was suddenly failing me. By the time the agency called back, I was convinced that I had failed, and miserably at that. However I didn't. X offered me the job, at the higher end of the salary scale, and have provisionally agreed to my preferred start date (meaning that I shouldn't miss out on the bonus in my current job). It was rather difficult to wipe the grin off my face, but I had to. As they seem suspicious already, I can't afford to let the cat out of the bag at work until I have the papers in my hand.

I was going to mention guilt at this stage, but it's late, and I'm sure the world is bored of my ramblings for the moment. So for now I say goodnight, I shall broadcast again soon.

Earrings and Interviews

2008-04-23T13:24:00.001+01:00

Tomorrow I have a second interview in a top ten law firm. Today I went over to the agency to prep.

Wearing my massive star-shaped earrings.

To say I gave them a shock might be an understatement. In fact the words reported to me were "she's not going to an interview wearing those is she?"

Now, to people you're only meeting for the third time, my choice of jewellery may seem a little loud. However, there are the people who credit me with being intelligent, smart and switched on, frequently, every time we speak or meet.

Do they honestly think I'm capable of those attributes and stupidity concurrently?

However they did give me a good indication of my chances (excellent, apparently) and a large handful of sweets.

Lunch

2008-04-22T10:59:00.001+01:00

It's a simple thing, lunch. Every day, somewhere around midday, we sit to eat, something to take away the hunger that has grown since breakfast, something that will keep that hunger away until our evening meal. We all do it. It's simple.

But not for me.

Every lunch time is a challenge. What do I eat that won't be the start of the next binge. As a general rule, bread and pasta are off the menu. Nothing overly sweet, nothing that could be considered a snack. At the moment I'm on miso soup, a piece of fruit and a yogurt. It's safe. There's also points to consider; if it's low in points, there's less chance of a binge to follow. The more points I have stored, the greater the incentive to stay on track, the more control I feel I have over this. Control is good (despite the assertion of overeaters anonymous). When I am in control I am in a better position than when I'm consciously attempting to not be controlling.

My dilemma, today though, is lunch. Namely our late christmas lunch with our boss. For one reason or another (not many being my doing), I have managed to avoid it so far. But today that doesn't look possible. Todays it seems that I will have to do lunch. I don't know where we're going so I can't plan ahead, check the menu, work out the lowest point items. I can't see which foods are safe and which should be avoided. I am completely unprepared. I am getting more and more panicked since yesterday's announcement that today was the day. I thought of calling in sick, but it would only put it off, and I need to take too much time off at the moment anyway. So, for now I panic and worry.

London Stinks!

2008-04-18T17:56:00.001+01:00

This morning, as I left the house, the only thought that was in my mind was that Wimbledon stinks. Literally.

This would be the reason why.

Missing child

2008-04-18T10:09:00.001+01:00

TB have me the shock of my life earlier.

Having come out of the bathroom, I went to his room to see if he'd woken up. He wasn't there, so on my way to my room I glanced in the living room to see if he was there, which he wasn't. He wasn't in my room, or the kitchen, and when I checked the living room again he wasn't there.

I was waking Yuri up and getting incredibly panicked and worried when the boy sleepily emerged from the living room clutching tio and ammi.

He'd been crouching down, hidden by the table, looking for the toys he'd left there last night.

Blonde moment

2008-04-17T09:38:00.001+01:00

I got rather worried yesterday when, with 20 minutes to the end of the day and a 15 minute tape to complete, my computer suddenly went blank. In fact, beyond blank. Completely dead.
I tried to get it to work, tried they keyboard, tried turning it on, checks all the cables were still plugged in. Nothing worked. IT's best suggestion was to unplug it, plug it back in and try again. Failing that, go home.

So I went to unplug the thing, only to find that in my kicking around to reach my pedal I'd kicked the power switch off.

Oops.

You know life's hard when...

2008-04-14T10:03:00.001+01:00

...your Monday morning dilemma's about concealer.

Mine died on me this morning. With no warning whatsoever. I guessed it was coming to the end of it's life? We'd been friends for a long time.

The question is, do I quick with my trusty L'Oreal touche magique or switch to maybelline mousse? Which will cover my dark rings better? The ones that get worse with each passing day instead of bearing any relation to lack of sleep.

And while I'm at it, do I get a True Match Minerals compact or loose with brush?

From the mouth of a three year old...

2008-04-12T10:44:00.002+01:00

"How many times have I told you...."

I think I'm in trouble.

Hello,

2008-04-08T18:49:00.001+01:00

My name's Vic, and I'm a compulsive overeater. Food addict if you like.

Every day is a battle, one that I'm losing. Miserably.

Everywhere I turn, there are people trying to sabotage my progress, threatening the fine balance between abstinence and giving in. Cakes, sweets, biscuits at work. There's not just birthdays to celebrate, but the return from a holiday, an anniversary, a target, the end of a meeting, a just because. And I am not in enough control of my addiction to steer clear. 'Just one' is expected, but with this disease there is no such thing as 'just one'. 'Just one' is the start of a slippery slope. One that I can't navigate or leave with ease. 'Just one' becomes another, and one more. Until that one more becomes complete loss of control. Until I'm back to day zero. To the day before the beginning of abstinence.

The daily walk to and from work becomes a plethora of opportunities for the next fix. Every step is a new struggle not to step into yet another food-selling establishment. From the aromas littering the street to the people handing out free samples, everywhere I turn someone or something is trying to break me.

If I can get through the lunch break I'm half way there but the witching hour is yet to come. That dangerous combination of tiredness and hunger that slowly build, peaking as I make my way home past the shops and through the station. It's here where I'm most likely to falter, to fall. Here where I'm most likely to give in to the sugar and carbohydrate laden snacks.

One small trigger and it begins. The craving, the need for food becomes unimaginable, the only thing driving me on. Everything, every step, every thought is focussed on what and how to get the next thing to pass my lips. Nothing, not even fullness, sickness can stop me.

So at home we have a list of, what I call, banned substances; a number of foods that will trigger off an attack, often just by being in the house. The usual suspects are there: crisps, chocolate, sweets, biscuits, and some slightly less normal ones: rottisserie chicken, cheese, sliced meat, bread (although not sliced). On the whole, Yuri is generally quite good about not getting these things. Not all the time, but enough to make sure I don't constantly feel surrounded. But, having invited a house guest, he forgot to impart the 'rules' to her.

On getting home last might I found chicken and sliced cheese (much worse than a block which you at least have to take the time to cut from). There were chocolate biscuits from the day before, more biscuits and two large tubs of cream from the day before, something was going to have to give.

We have C staying with us and Yuri invited G to stay for dinner. So I cooked. TB was making excuses not to stay in bed and when I asked Yuri to sort him, he wanted me to do it, whilst cooking, despite the fact that he was chatting on msn. When I announced that dinner was ready I received next to no response from either C or G, and certainly no effort to leave their respective computers to get their food. It was enough to make me snap.

And in a plastic bag ended up a can of condensed milk, a jar of chocolate spread, a packet of gummy sweets, two packets of chocolate wafer biscuits, a packet of rich teas, two large pots of cream, a box of sliced cheese, a rottisserie chicken, half a tin of roses and half am easter egg, all to be hidden or thrown away. Because get I don't know it's in the house, I don't have to cling to a pillow with all my strength to stop myself from reaching for it, I don't find myself scratching away at my skin because I'm so agitated knowing it's there. Because, if it's not threatening me, I don't have to take valium to calm me down enough to sleep.

This train is now approaching its final destination,

2008-04-07T09:57:00.001+01:00

London Waterloo. However, it may be quicker to exit through the front of the train and walk along the tracks. This is because trains are not permitted to exceed 2 mph on this stretch of track.

South West Trains like to call it an emergency speed restriction. I (and undoubtedly many other commuters) prefer to call it 'you've had two days to fix the problem and still haven't managed it.'
And we still have another four days of it after today.

Our Sunday

2008-04-07T07:46:00.003+01:00

It's too noisy!

2008-04-02T10:02:00.001+01:00

Today I forgot my iPod and remembered one of the reasons I'm usually 'plugged in' for the duration of my journey.

The sniffing, the coughing, the talking on mobile phones. The mumbling and grumbling and too loud music players. The conversations, the slurping, the munching, the announcements. On second thoughts, no conceivable volume could cut through an announcement on a South West train.

And this is why I listen to my iPod on my journey. With noise cancelling headphones.

And today's date is...

2008-04-01T15:33:00.001+01:00

On flicking through my blogroll this morning I was very confused to see
that one of the blogs I regularly ready had changed. Rather
dramatically. Yellow. It took me more than a few moments to realise
that the world hadn't turned upside down, the hackers hadn't broken in,
and everything will be back to normal by tomorrow morning.

Cinthia is supposed to be arriving this evening. I really hope that's
not an April fool.

And I just attempted to put hand cream in my coffee instead of
sweetener. That's how frazzled my brain is after the stress of the last
week.

Moving

2008-03-27T09:58:00.001Z

In my desperation over my current employment situation, mum came up with a totally unexpected, and much appreciated, act of kindness. I now have the funding I need to start searching for another job, without worrying about the financial implications of leaving my current one.

First stop, buy a suit, and more importantly, convince my co-workers that I'm only attempting to smarten myself up.

Er, yeah... This could be more difficult than I thought.

Changes

2008-03-26T10:02:00.001Z

Since the Easter break, I've noticed two changes in my journey to work.  Firstly, the annoying on-train announcements have reduced to those identifying the train and next station. Apparently South West Trains eradicated their problem with beggars over the Easter weekend, no longer see unattended articles as an issue and plan to do no more weekend engineering work. If it weren't for the other passengers, my journey would be incredibly peaceful.

Secondly, since they did works on the track over the weekend, the stretch between Clapham Junction and Vauxhall has become much more bumpy. A problem when this tends to be where you do your mascara!

Barbequing in the snow and a diamond ring.

2008-03-24T10:29:00.002Z

Saturday saw Yuri's birthday party. We all trekked down to his mum's house in Kent to barbeque food in the freezing cold and generally eat too much. True to the forecast, it snowed, but instead of sending us running inside, we were huddled round the barbeque enjoying it's warmth. Unfortunately, though, it didn't settle, and just stayed cold, even when we'd long since gone inside.

Yesterday we drove up past Birmingham, to visit nan. We started off in the snow, which gradually gave way to greyness, and then sunshine. On the way home, TB decided that he absolutely loved Sherl Crow's song, diamond ring. After singing along once, we had to listen to the song on repeat from the M4 back to Wimbledon so the boy could sing along, and Yuri could screech. But it was so cute you couldn't hold it against them. Although I may never want to hear the song again.

Half a goat and a broiling chicken

2008-03-21T21:23:00.003Z

This afternoon we took a trip to Peckham to get supplies for Yuri's birthday party (barbeque!) tomorrow. We among the large quantities of meat needed (because it is, after all, a Brasilian barbeque), we also needed mandoica (cassava). Try getting that in Wimbledon. Having lived in Wimbledon for the past two years (and Elephant for a year before that), Peckham is now a completely different world, albeit one I remember much more fondly now than I ever did when living there.

We started by getting rained on, then the sleet started. A huge shower of the stuff, which had be believing that if he rain would only stop, the snow would come at last. But that, is not our cultural education.

What I really miss about Peckham is the food shops. To be precise about it, the grocers and butchers. We managed to get guavas. In the past, I've only been able to find them in Church Street Market, and they're wrong. The outside is too light in colour and the inside is white. They just don't taste the same as the Brasilian ones which are darker on the outside and a deep pink on the inside.

Best of all, though, was our trip to the butchers we used to get all our meat from. We got chicken wings, chicken drumsticks and steak. On asking for a few bacgs of drumsticks, we were presented with a sack, being told that there were probably about 50 in it; more than enough to take tomorrow and chuck some in the freezer for later. The beef we chose looked big enough for two portions, and at £5, was a bit cheaper than the supermarket. We spent £18 in total.

TB loved it. The chickens hanging from the racks, heads still on. Half whole goats. Chicken feet. Cows feet. I'm sure if we'd gone into one shop we could've shown him a sheep's head. Fish of different colours and sizes, scales and stripes. A crab and still live electric eels. The entire trip fascinated him.

When we got home, I cut up the beef, only to find enough for six steaks and some chunks. On opening the sack of drumsticks, it appeared that there were rather more than 50. I took the time to count them. 109.

Then I checked on the online supermarket. That little lot would've cost the best part of £50 from Tesco. I feel we've had a successful afternoon.

Educational Drama

2008-03-20T13:06:00.001Z

Today we found out the results of TB's primary school application. It's damning.

Of the three schools we applied to, he has got into none. This leaves us with two choices: attempt to find another school or appeal. It remains to be seen whether we can do both, one as a backup for the other. Despite being able to view ties application results online, we have to wait for a letter telling us what we should do next.

The problem is, we've now exhausted our three nearest schools (not counting the catholic and c of e schools which we don't want him going to). Both of our first two choices are 700m away. He already attends one of these schools and we were perfectly happy to keep him there. The other would have been a compromise, but one we would gladly have accepted. The third school on our application is 1.2km away, and chosen purely because it's the next closest. We never even contemplated that we might even have needed that backup choice.

The chances of appeal don't look good. For an
appeal to be allowed, it has to be based on an unreasonable decision (the rules as to what constitute an unreasonable decision are incredibly stringent) or an error in the selection process. It seems like our only hope is that one of TB's friends, who lives further away from the school, has gotten a place. Mounting an appeal will involved considerable playground subterfuge.

So now TB's on the waiting list for all three schools. And all we can do is wait. And hope.

An Announcement From London Buses

2008-03-19T10:04:00.001Z

This bus will terminate at Holborn. This is because there's a lot of traffic across London.

Well no shit sherlock. What planet have you been living on for this to be news to you? And how am I supposed to get to work if you're not going to take me there?

Green

2008-03-19T07:51:00.003Z

When TB doesn't want to finish eating something, he's taken to saying 'it's going green'. We've had no idea what he meant by this, other than that there was no way on earth he was going to eat the rest of whatever it was.

Now, all has been revealed.

He was watching Charlie & Lola this morning, when Lola said "but I can't drink my pink milk, it's too green".

Is that seat free?

2008-03-17T14:16:00.000Z

Every so often, in papers and train company promotional magazines, you see complaints of people who leave their bag on the seat next to them, thus preventing the less bold of us from taking a seat.

Now I have seen it all.

Next time you'd prefer there was no-one sitting on the seat next to you, carefully place your snarling pitbull there instead of your bag. You can guarantee nobody will ask you to move it.

How much is too much?

2008-03-16T18:29:00.002Z

A moment I've been dreading for almost four years has now arrived. It is less than two months until TB's fourth birthday.

It's not the marking of time that I'm dreading, but more the celebration of it. The party.

In the past we've managed to get away with family affairs. What better for a small child to be surrounded by good food and doting family members bearing large quantities of gifts. But now he's at school, and all his friends are having birthday parties, it seems this era has come to an end. I'm going to have to bite the bullet and organise a kids birthday party.

Our first problem is a venue. As children, our parties nearly always took place (in part or in their entirity) in our house. We didn't have an overly large house, but it was big enough to hold 30 screaming kids for a few hours of games and food. Well our flat can barely contain ten seated adults, so 20 to 30 kids is most definately out of the question. It also appears that Wimbledon doesn't have too many of these venues.

The next problem is cost, i.e. we don't have any money. Of the venues I have found, the prices seem to be anything between £12 and £17 per child. I'm a little vague on exactly how many kids there are in Tommy's class, but even ten seems to cost a lot at those prices, many of which don't include food.

The best I've found so far (which is starting to look like the most attractive option) is the wacky warehouse. At £5.99 a kid, it's a bargain in comparison to everywhere else, and seems to include absolutely everything I could think of (or more likely, forget).

Of course all this assumes that the boy will be back at school by then.

Microbiologists

2008-03-15T10:56:00.003Z

TB went down to the hospital to see the microbiologist, amongst others. His samples are still showing E.coli, but otherwise he's completely fine. The various doctors have said there's absolutely no reason why he shouldn't return to school, and have even argued this with environmental health.

However, their policy is that he has to have two clear tests before he can return. It's incredibly frustrating, especially as the best thing they can suggest is probiotic yoghurt (I know!). They're incredibly reluctant to prescribe antibiotics because of the potential side effects, and it's an opinion I'm inclined to agree with. But, in the meantime, the poor boy is desperate to go to school, and there's nothing we can do about it.

dig dig dig

2008-03-11T07:54:00.003Z

For the past few weeks, someone's decided it would be a good idea to dig up our road*. First it was gas, then BT, and now they're resurfacing.

The first two attempts at digging brought bedlam. How could the area's car-going commuters cope with the worst stretch of their journey being reduced to one lane, weaving all over the place, and irresponsible placement of temporary traffic lights. It didn't matter to us, we don't tend to drive and it certainly made crossing the road easier.

Last night, 8 o'clock came, diversion signs went up and traffic cones were laid, blocking the road. The people who had left their cars in the car park across the road were blocked in. Then the noise started.

Between the sound of reversing vehicles and the general removing of the road surface, I was ready for it to end by 10. Then there were the buses and cars, stopping to argue with the workmen because they couldn't take their chosen route. Funnily enough, it was the buses that were the worst. In some ways, it was a relief to go to bed and shut the noise out.

And we have it all again tonight.

*We live on the corner of the one way system through the town and the main route into the town from the South. It's chaos every morning, or any other time the traffic starts to build, for that matter.

Multiple Choice

2008-03-09T19:03:00.000Z

You're on a train and your three year old tells you he needs to pee. Do you:

a) tell him to wait, knowing full well he won't make the half hour journey home, and will consequently wet himself whilst still on the train;

b) get off the train at the next stop so he can pee (probably on the platform as the likelihood of there being open toilets is slim to none) and then wait half an hour to an hour for the next train to come through; or

c) take his empty juice bottle and let him pee in it.

Guess what my option was.

I wonder if my boss would consider this a valid excuse?

2008-03-07T18:07:00.000Z

More e.coli

2008-03-07T07:55:00.003Z

When we were irst told that TB had the bug, we were also told that it should go on it's own. A week and two samples later, it appears that we were mis-advised. He still has the bug (yet more absence from school) and will need to start taking some form of medicine. He's on a fast-track to an appointment first thing this morning, we just have to call when they open. The worst of it is, this could be over already; the doctor who saw him last time should've prescribed the medicine there and then, we've now been told. It seemed like we were being treated so well throughout this incident, until we hear this.

On the plus side, this week's been an idea chance for TB to get to know his new nanny, G. Every day when I've gotten home, he's said he's been to the park and tells me all sorts of things they've been doing. This weekend I want to get lots of craft things they can do together. He was making monsters with ribbons last weekend and really enjoyed it. She's also going to attempt to teach him Portuguese, which is another bonus. Yuri seems much happier too, now he can get work done more easily.

So, I guess while this week has had it's down sides, it's also been a good one too.

Choking

2008-03-06T11:43:00.001Z

Unfortunately, last night, we had a rather nasty incident with TB choking on his dinner. Fortunately I knew exactly what to do (it's the first time since I did my first aid course that I've actually had reason to put what I've learnt into action) and Tommy was fine. He quite happily went back to eating straight away, like nothing had ever happened.

I later asked Yuri what he would've done if it'd happened whilst he was on his own. His answer: hang him upside down?

2008-03-01T09:33:00.001Z

On recent trips out, TB's been quite excited bythe Thomas and Friends posters on the tube. I thought that it might be a good idea o take him to see the show. Until I found out how much it cost, that is. For one adult and one child, it worked out as £45.50. I'd rather buy him the DVD, at least he'll get more use from it.

E.coli O157

2008-02-29T07:43:00.002Z

A few days before we left Brasil, Tommy started suffering from diahorrea and really bad stomach cramps. We didn't really think much of it, but after a few days, it still hadn't gotten much better. We took him to the doctors and had the fun of collecting samples and yesterday we got the test results back.

The doctor called (a miracle in itself - usually you have to call to get your results) and the boy managed to get E.coli. Although he seems to be pretty much over it (he's been well for almost a week now), he's not allowed to go to school until further tests show up clear. That means he's going to miss the butterflies & insects party after school tonight, just after we'd bought a spiderman costume especially. And he was looking forward to that one.

We've decided not to tell him that he's not allowed to go to school (it'll only result in tantrums) and wait till he guesses something's up. With me being off work tomorrow, we might make it to Monday or Tuesday till he figures out there's something going on. Having said that, he was dressed as spiderman by 7 this morning, already asking to go to school. We shall see.

2008-02-28T23:20:00.000Z

It seems the boy has managed to successfully contract e coli. Yes, we get all the good things in our house.

There was an earthquake!

2008-02-27T09:20:00.001Z

And I missed it.

2008-02-25T09:28:00.001Z

I got a referral! With any luck I should have an appointment with a surgeon in April.

It's official!

2008-02-25T08:12:00.001Z

I have put on 9 pounds in the last six weeks.

The diet starts afresh today. I must lose weight.

2008-02-24T15:18:00.001Z

Tomorrow I have an appointment at the doctors in which I will try to convince them that I'm worthy of a breast reduction op on the NHS. Previous experience has led me to believe that I shouldn't hold out any hope.

Maybe I should try to convice them if they don't do it for me, I'll do it myself.

2008-02-23T13:02:00.002Z

TB's not been well since we got back. In fact, it started two days before we left, with diarrhoea and stomach cramps that had him spinning around, clutching his stomach and screaming in pain. We dosed him up with the Brasilian version of kiddie immodium and hoped he'd get better fairly quickly. He was an angel on the plane journey back, but still wasn't well. He'd start screaming in his sleep ever 20 minutes or so, clutching his stomach again. He's not gotten ovely better since. He's certainly been eating a lot lot less (some days even nothing at all) and the diarrhoea seems to have stopped but he's still complaining about his stomach hurting. We took him to the doctors, and they want to test him for salmonella. We just have to get a sample. The only good thing about it all is that he realised when you're feeling ill, it's preferably to poo on the toilet instead of your nappy (or as was more often the case since we started toilet training) or pants. We're hoping he can keep this one up.

And on another plus note, he's had a completely dry nappy on for the past two nights. Maybe he can keep that one up too.

As for me, I've not been too good. Almost as soon as I got off the plane, I managed to get a cold, which has quickly deteriorated into the mother of all coughs. I've also had to go back to work, which has presented another problem. For some months now you could say that Ive not exactly been happy where I am. Being away gave me the opportunity to think about how I wanted things to play out, and I hought that maybe a rest would send me back to work feeling better about things. Unfortunatley not. I want to find something else, but feel somewhat stuck for the moment. As I see it, unless we suddenly come into some money, I don't think I'll be going anywhere until August. And that's the worst thing, knowing I'm stuck for at least another six months.

We're home!

2008-02-15T21:06:00.000Z

But only two of us.

May have to demolish a tub of Ben & Jerry's as consolation.

Don't mention the word...

2008-02-12T00:45:00.000Z

... 'passport'.

It's a sore point at the moment.

Brasilia

2008-02-10T00:57:00.000Z

Since we've been back in Brasilia, Yuri's rushed around trying to sort his passport (he still doesn't have one) and we've done lots of visiting family. We've sorted out one of our friends who was refused entry to the UK and sent back here, and seen more friends. Yesterday we went to the Feira do Guara.

Yuri was getting so frustrated at TB's lack of bargaining skills. Whenever he started trying to negotiate, TB would shout in his loudest English. Well, I found it rather amusing.

When we were last in Brasil, you could get a pair of Havaianas for R$7. Now you're looking at the best part for R$15, and that's if you're after a basic pair. I found them for R$10 and will be going back there before we leave to stock up on more! We'd initially gone out to try and find a new watch and some jewellery. I'd thought of going to the Rodoviaria as that was where I'd got my last watch, but grandma thought the Feira would be cheaper. Despite it's huge size, I was disappointed with what we found. If I was skinny and looking for clothes, it wouldn't be bad, and it'd be heaven looking for shoes, but there wasn't much else, and it wasn't as cheap as I'd expected. But then again, nothing is as cheap in Brasil as it was last time around.

Today we started off at the Rodoviaria:

Doing the 'free hug' with a group from Sara. Then we went back to C's flat for lunch. They have a pool in their block and TB was more than happy to play for a while with her sister and niece. Then we went back to church. TB happily played in the creche, despite there being no-one there who spoke English. Whilst we were waiting for L to pick us up, we saw A & R, two friends who moved to Finland a year and a half ago. They have family in the city who are heavily involved in this particular church and were here visiting. It was great to see them, and TB was impressed with their little girl who's 16 months old. Yuri got some very cute pics of them kissing!

Salvador

2008-02-09T23:54:00.000Z

Despite the fact that we were promised internet when we got to Salvador, the connection was an unsecured one left open by one of the neighbours. It was just about enough to change my status on facebook, but little more. Shame really, because I could have had some mega rants whilst I was there.

The house wasn't bad (despite the lack of any hot water) and it was nice to have a pool (zoom right in and find the pool just about the marker - that's us!).

We managed to visit a couple of beaches, and once we'd finally dragged him to the beach, TB loved it.

The wedding was a monstrosity, and the bride somewhat resembled a beached whale. No-one bothered to tell either her or her mother that they shouldn't bend over in their dresses!

As we're making a habit of it, we didn't make the start of the wedding. Yuri, Y and I went off to get Yuri a suit. Although many people knew that we needed to get the suit, they didn't feel the need to provide us with a car to go shopping until the day of the wedding. Then, despite being ready to leave by 10:30, the people driving the two different cars fart-arsed around all day only bringing them back after 3:30. The wedding was due to start at 5, we needed to get the suit, go to the salon for hair (and nails and make up in my case) and get back to the wedding. It was a good half hour's drive to the mall, and although the salon was nearby, none of us actually knew where it was (in true Brasilian fashion). Yuri managed to buy a suit in record time, although the only one they had in his size was striped, necessitating a new shirt. We managed to find him an amazing bright orange one which looked fabulous on him and were soon on our way.

We eventually found the salon where I received a manicure and pedicure that I could've done better at home, had my hair scraped back and fiddled with and my make up done. It was safe to say, when the make up was done, that I bore an extremely strong resemblance to a drag queen. Take one blond, fair-skinned person, add one Brasilian middle aged woman and you get a blond, fair-skinned person covered in foundation at least five shades too dark and black eyes that even a panda couldn't pull off. So that face was removed and I did it myself at home.

Although the wedding had been moved to six, we rushed home, amazed to find that it still hadn't started (and it was well past six by then). The three of us rushed around like headless chickens getting ready, only to hear the start of the ceremony from the house. If they'd have waited five more minutes, we could've been there too.

Not that it mattered for me. A combination of the foul hairspray that covered my hair and the smell of cooking from out back sent my stomach turning, and by 10 I'd given up and gone to bed. It took another three days for me to be fully right and it wasn't just me. Yuri wasn't entirely right, nor his dad or N. We blame it on the place we'd eaten the night before.

After the wedding we went here:

The three nights we spent there were in an extremely small three bedroomed flat, where the water only functioned intermittently. It may not have been too bad if there were only a few of us there, but at it's most crowded, the flat housed 21 of us. On the last night, when four more people arrived, some of us went off to the pousada across the road. It wasn't pleasant, but at least it had space. In contrast to the crowded, dirty beaches of Lauro de Freitas and Salvador, Itaparica was gorgeous (even if the inland didn't have a great deal to offer). We were walking distance to the beach (although TB would've had you fooled) and had a great time there. The only downside was the hideous sunburn we all got. I felt slightly better seeing that some of the Brasilians got burned too!

2008-02-09T23:51:00.000Z

Normal service was interrupted by the lack of an internet connection when we arrived at Grandma's. It wasn't that I didn't try, more like I had no clue how to set it up and got bored so wrote my thoughts in Word, only to find that I couldn't post them later because the internet really wasn't working! So here's my Sunday morning rambling.

2:30 is an inhuman time in the morning to get up. But that’s what time we were up yesterday. We were expecting TB to have some serious issues with being woken up in the middle of the night, and as such, be a complete monster for the entire trip, but instead he happily got up, helped to take his car seat down to the car, and remained in a good mood. We managed to leave the house and get to Heathrow without any trouble (or traffic) and plenty of time to check our bags in. You would think it would be easy, but no.

We’d checked in online so we could make sure we sat together, and thought it would make life easier when we got to the airport. Never make assumptions that involve machinery doing the right thing. There was a problem with the check-in, so that although our flight to Lisbon was fine, it hadn’t linked up with the flight to Brasilia. Never mind though. After over half an hour of waiting for them to fix the problem (added on top of a significant amount of time waiting for them to fix the problems of the two groups in front of us), we were finally sorted.

Straight to the security gate where I’d cleverly to all our liquids in the required clear plastic bag. Unlike many others, by the looks of it. Our next problem was shoes. Damn that shoe bomber, because my son didn’t want to take his shoes off. At all. Cue much kicking and screaming, then having his shoes wrenched off him, and even more screaming as he refused to go through the security scanner without them. He did calm down quite quickly once they were back on and he was promised cold orange juice.

Having grabbed water and juice for the flight (no dehydration for my family thank you very much), our flight was on its last call and we walked straight through to board the plane without any more waiting.

TB managed to stay awake for the take off, and was very good when his ears blocked a little. Then he fell asleep. Slept through breakfast and woke up in time to land. Our breakfast consisted of an ‘interesting’ scrambled egg and red Leicester Panini. His mainstay was a couple of sandwiches. An a kit-kat. I wonder if I could order myself a kids meal for the way back?

A bus delivered us from the plane to the next stop in Lisbon airport, where our next problem began. Another security gate. The queue was massively long, but Portuguese and Brasilians alike, are happy to send pregnant mothers, the elderly, disabled persons and those with small kids straight to the front to push in. There are some parts you long for in the UK! Of course the trouble wasn’t the queue, it was TB. He took one look at the familiar set-up and started howling and digging his heels in again. They took one look at our remaining liquids and told us we couldn’t take them through (hadn’t anticipated another security point, stupidly, and bought enough water and juice for both legs of the trip), but one look at a screaming TB and they changed their minds without even being asked. That trauma over, and we found our gate and set in for a 40 minute wait until we could board.

TB happily played with his transformers while we waited, and then once we boarded the next bus (having queue-jumped again!) continued to be an angel. He needed the loo, but refused to go while we were waiting for our gate to open. As we sat on the bus and he asked to go, I told him about the toilets on the plane, but he sounded rather dubious. He thought, though, that it was a rather hilarious idea that when you flushed a plane toilet, its contents would fall out of the bottom and land on someone’s head. Well, I had to try something. And he loved seeing a military helicopter land as we were waiting to get off the bus. But then he saw the plane. And we saw more howling and digging in of heels. He was desperate not to get on that plane. I picked him up as I couldn’t drag him and carry our hand luggage, but he was throwing himself around so much that I could barely stand up whilst trying to climb the stairs to the plane. We deposited ourselves in our seats and he continued to scream, nothing would calm him down, although a huge cuddle tamed him a little. But an air hostess saved the day. She gave him a puzzle. Having found the way to his heart, the puzzle was immediately plonked on the table and put together and any screaming was forgotten.

And he was excellent for the entire journey. We’d brought plenty of activity books and toys for him to play with, fearing than an in-flight movie wouldn’t be enough to keep him quiet. His mega-sleep on the way to Lisbon prevented another sleep for quite some hours, but he happily coloured in and did dot-to-dot whilst keeping half an eye on his mini tv screen showing the progress of our journey on a map. He did start to watch Ratatouille at one point, but decided the map was more fun. Although he’d had his breakfast while we were waiting to board, he demolished his huge lunch only an hour later, and continued to play. I took the first half of the journey with him (we had two seats by the window and another one across the aisle), letting Yuri sleep, until about half way through the journey when I could barely keep my eyes open any longer. However, the moment I switched seats with Yuri, the boy fell fast asleep. The seat across the aisle did have no-one next to it though, so I could at least stretch out and sleep in semi-comfort. I woke up in time for snacks, and so did the boy, and soon he was happily munching away, watching Ratatouille in Portuguese (with Portuguese subtitles!).

After we landed and headed to immigration, we left Yuri (as neither I nor Tommy have valid Brasilian passports) and once again headed straight to the front of the queue(!). We left Yuri queuing and headed to get our luggage, although by the time Yuri joined us, there was still no sign of any of our three suitcases. One appeared fairly soon afterwards, but the others still remained awol. I was starting to worry slightly, as they’d still not arrived and most of the luggage from our flight had been collected already. But eventually they appeared and we exited the airport.

Yuri phoned Grandma to let her know we’d arrived. She wasn’t waiting at the airport for us as she’d done that the night before (crossed wires meant she thought we were arriving a day earlier than we were and she’d spent hours waiting at the airport for us to appear). She soon arrived with L and some of the rest of the family and after much hugging and amazement at TB’s growth (other than Grandma, L & T, no-one’s seen him since he was four months old) we went home.

Things have changed since we were last here three years ago. More photos have gone up, the dog has gone and there’s a fish. But some things haven’t changed a bit. We spent the evening watching big brother! So we’ve got quite a bit planned, and also not a lot. But we’re all happy to be here.

Normal service will resume...

2008-02-06T13:52:00.001Z

... shortly.

I don't know, it's getting late, I have to go...

2008-01-18T20:59:00.000Z

This time tomorrow we should've landed in Brasilia. It seems that this trip's been a long time coming; we arrived back here three years and two months ago. It's seemed a particularly long time this week, since I've been absolutely desperate to leave. Work has dragged all week, most of all today, which seemed like it would never end. But we're leaving tonight (or 3:45 tomorrow morning to be precise).

I have great plans for this holiday which include shopping; going to the beach; visiting places in Brasilia that I didn't get to see last time (that includes carnaval!); reading lots of books and generally relaxing; getting a boob job (hopefully - Beth, if you read this please don't mention anything to Mum!) and trying to learn to type again (or at least get faster). But most of all, relaxation.

I'm looking forward to spending hours with TB in the park across from Grandma's and to letting him see a real beach. I want him to spend time with all our friends and family who have loved him over the internet since we left. I want him to start eating things other than Hula Hoops (I don't remember being able to get them out there) and bread, something like a proper diet with fruit and vegetables. I want him to start speaking Portuguese; seeings as none of us are able to get him speaking it here, maybe exposure will be what he needs. I don't want him to grow up as one of those kids that only speaks one half of his native languages.

I on the other hand, friends aside, am looking forward to Grandma's pao de queijo, catiupiry, diet guarana in copious amounts; ice-cream buffets; churrasco, rodizio pizza and habib's. As you can see, the list mainly revolves around food. I want to visit the market stalls outside Patio Brasil, and find earrings for R$1; a new pair of studs (the ones they use to pierce your ears) and plenty of funky danlgy earrings. Maybe some to replace the last pair I broke. I want to find new rings, and maybe a bracelet or two. Hair accessories maybe. I want a new pair of ballet pumps but wonder if I'll be able to find some. I want to get TB kitted out for summer; Yuri some new clothes too. I want us to come back feeling like we've been living in luxury.

But most of all I'm looking forward to the rest. It feels like I've been running on empty for so long now. I know Yuri feels the same way too. This is our first holiday since our honeymoon four years ago. We are ready for it. All three of us.

Just to give you an idea of the sort of place I work...

2008-01-17T17:33:00.001Z

We don't have various items of stationary because apprently we don't use them (despite the fact we frequently ask if we have any of said items - because we need to use them).

All the glasses are now conference room use only, leaving us to drink out of plastic cups like untrusted small children.
The aircon is broken so it constantly pumps cold air into our section, leaving us freezing. But, because the people who could arrange to get it fixed are in another section where the aircon is not freezing them, they see no need to get it fixed.

Just a normal day at the office...

2008-01-17T15:34:00.001Z

"Have they stopped burning bodies over there now?"
"Looks like it. The black smoke's gone anyway."
"Burning bodies?"
"Yeah, didn't you see that huge black cloud of smoke coming from that
chimney?"
"But burning bodies?"
"Well yeah. What else would they be doing?"
"They burn them so there's no bodies left."
"Wouldn't acid be a better idea?"
"But acid eats through whatever you put it in as well."
"But there's absolutely nothing left for identification."
"I guess there is that..."

2008-01-10T19:57:00.001Z

Earlier today I stopped at the bank to find out how much they'd charge me to use my card while we're in Brasil. They couldn't tell me there and then because despite the fact I KNEW I could use it there, they didn't, and had to find out. (Lets ignore for a second the fact that my card is probably more readily accepted in Brasil than here) So, I left my number and they promised to call and let me know.

When they called, they happily let me know how much they'd extort every time I wanted to visit McDonalds (that's £1.50 for a meal that probably wouldn't cost £1.50 in total) and dropped in as an afterthought that they'd need to know when I was away so they could unblock my card.

Hang on a minute, why would my card need unblocking? Had I done something to block it? No. It's just the moment you try and use your card abroad, they freeze it. Thanks for giving me loud and clear warning over the years.

So all in all, if I use my card while we're away it'll only be to withdraw the maximum amount of cash. A good thing I checked though, otherwise we could've been completely screwed.

2008-01-10T14:52:00.000Z

"I know it's been some time since you contacted us, but I was wondering if you were still looking for a new role?"
"Yes, it was quite a while ago..." Like almost two and a half years ago. Do you not think I'd have given up if I'd still not found a job? And why do you still have my details after not speaking to me for so long. Hang on a minute, I don't recognise your company name. Why didn't you try and find me a job when I actually wanted one?

2008-01-03T09:45:00.001Z

"Look, it's awfully dark along here. One of us could toss the other over the bridge and no-one would ever see it..."
"Don't you even think about it! I mean, who would you get to do your typing if I were gone?"

Happy New Year

2008-01-01T10:39:00.000Z

We were undecided as to what to do yesterday. V & C were off to Derbyshire, Y was working at 7 the next morning and Mum & Dad were staying in for the first time in history.We toyed with the idea of going into town to see the fireworks (the original idea was that Mum & Dad would have come too) but decided that it was too much effort for just us. Then Y said that her and M would do whatever we were doing, so all change and off to the fireworks.

We met at Waterloo at 10:30 (can you imagine, we were actually on time for once) and it was absolutely heaving! We originally thought we would head to Waterloo Bridge, but by the time we got there it was closed off and we were herded round the side of the Shell building to find an amazingly nice spot pretty much under the London Eye.

By 11 o'clock TB had his hands placed firmly over his ears because it was 'too noisy', although it was more to do with the crowds of drunken revellers screaming rather than the still absent fireworks. Once we'd coaxed his hands away from his ears he happily played around for a while longer, until the noise got louder and he decided that it would be best to hide under my coat.

I dragged him out in time to see the fireworks, but he spent the show with his face pressed up against mine, hands over his ears, whimpering, but at the same time his eyes were absolutely glued to the show. Towards the end he started trying to hide again so I put him down and he crawled back underneath my coat, hands still over his ears. When the fireworks had finished, he was virtually asleep, standing up, with his hands still over his ears.

Our next problem was how to get home. At any given time I could tell you numerous ways to get home from where we were, whether by tube, train or bus (or a combination of). No amount of forward planning could've got us home with ease last night. First problem was the crowds. It wouldn't matter which way you wanted to go (in our case, out to the side to wait for the worst to pass), there was no way those crowds were going to let you. Try to stop and you'd be pushed over by those desperate to get out. What for, not a lot really, but I'll get to that later. So we got swept along with the rest of London in the direction of Waterloo. Luckily we wanted to be there, because there was little chance of heading anywhere else.

With TB rapidly falling asleep whilst sitting on my shoulders, we trekked round to the back end of Waterloo, only to find the masses had stopped moving whilst they closed the station off. After about half an hour of not moving and with TB now fast asleep, sitting on my shoulders and slumped over, snoring in my ear, we decided to break from the packed crowd and attempt to walk some of the way. We walked to Vauxhall as TB woke up, although he refused to walk on the basis that his legs had gone all 'roughy' (read: had pins and needles). Surprisingly enough, we easily got on a train by 2am and even had a seat between us. We managed to keep TB awake on the journey home (although he did his best to try and sleep) and he got home and decided he wanted 'TV on'. Cue much bribery on our part with promises of exciting next day activities and he happily went to sleep. Just like me.

And he only woke up at 11 this morning!

2007-12-31T11:34:00.001Z

I am hooked on Pink Martini!

2007-12-30T10:23:00.000Z

I've just heard a rather loud dragging sound and turned around to see TB pulling an empty suitcase into the living room. On asking him what he was doing he said 'I just want to pack all my things away'. Well, it's keeping him quiet.

On a completely unelated note, I'm going to attempt to make a baked chocolate orange cheesecake to take to Y's tonight. Wish me luck.

2007-12-27T19:19:00.001Z

For the second part of our extended Christmas we shipped ourselves off to mum's for two days. Last year the three of us had flu and the year before TB had a stinking cold so it's quite a novelty to have him in a good mood at Christmas. On Christmas eve we laid out a sock (his stocking being at mum's) and a chocolate muffin for santa. In the morning he'd forgotten about them in favour of cold orange juice but was happily reminded and ran off to check. He was so pleased that santa had eaten the muffin and left presents.  He hated (just as we did as kids) the generations long tradition of waiting until after lunch and the washing up being done before he could open his presents. Mum did however put together a stocking for him and he delighted in showing off the remote controlled helicopter V had bought for him.

Lunch was a non-event as far as he was concerned. Why eat when there are presents to be opened. The tune changed slightly when he was presented with ice cream for dessert, but not for long. In between asking to get down from the table and picking at his food he achieved more with a Christmas cracker puzzle than any of the rest of us and sang the songs he'd refused to sing in the nursery Christmas play.

When he was finally allowed he happily delivered each present from under the tree to its recipient and sat down to open his own pile. (Silly mummy for buying the most difficult to rip paper ever!)

TB loved everything he received although there are a few things he's a bit wary of. Mum bought him a robot that walks and makes shooting noises which he'll only turn on if it's walking away from him. Yuri and I bought a version of pop up pirate (except it's a rat) and it took a few games for him not to be sacred of the flying rat. Mind you, I think he has a point!

He was an angel all day, except for bedtime when he staged quite a protest. That was, until I told him if he wasn't good santa claus would come in the night and take away all his presents. Then he was no problem.

All in all, a successful day I think.

2007-12-24T10:22:00.000Z

Our rather extended Christmas started yesterday. It was due to span just two days, but lack of transport in London and overpriced Christmas day taxis sent that idea down the pan. We had to get TB back from V&C's so we settled on Sunday for our first Christmas.

In a moment of sheer greatness, I put all of TB's present in hiding, aside from a watch and a nightlight.

Our Christmas fun started with Y being incredibly late, and not going to be able to bring her food pre-prepared as planned. Then, on arrival in our car park/dungeon, grandmother fell and gashed her head open. At first it looked like it'd stopped bleeding nicely (no thanks to my lack of a first aid kit (tut tut, I know) and V's constant bashing of the supposedly forming clot in an attempt to clean it) so we carried out. Days ago TB had already found a few of his presents (suspicion is that he was led to find them by V) and he wanted to show them off. But, as Y arrived, it seemed that a trip to hospital to get Grandmother's gash checked out was necessary.

So C (driver) and I (GPS system) bundled grandmother into the car and headed off to St George's. Considering it was two days before Christmas, A&E was surprisingly empty and Grandmother was checked out fairly quickly - stitches were needed. The nurses were checking people amazingly quickly, but it seemed that nobody was actually making it as far as getting treated. We waited for almost three hours for Grandmother to get treated, and then another hour for the stitches. We finally made it home at just after 12. And still had dinner to eat.

We all had a lovely haul of presents. TB's mainly consisted of remote controlled vehicles: a helicopter; amphibious tank; a monster truck that jumps; a funny whirry thing with a horrible rotor that has tried to remove digits from three of us already. I happily received a blender and a new pair of trainers from my boys. Yuri was happy with his new bag and more t-shirts.

All of us, TB included, finally fell into bed at about 2:30. Unfortunately, TB woke at a not so respectable 9:30 this morning, and is happily playing with his new toys, some of which are in his 'secret' box (the box from my trainers). Now, just over an hour later, I've pretty much joined the land of the living. Shame no-one else in the house has!

I have pleurisy

2007-12-21T10:16:00.000Z

nuff said.

2007-12-14T09:53:00.001Z

I love this picture. To me it says normally we're so awful we know you won't believe a word we say, so here's photographic evidence.

The big dress dilemma!

2007-12-09T23:23:00.000Z

In January we'll be in Salvador, Brasil, for Y's wedding. Finding the appropriate dress has been an absolute nightmare, but I've now found two! The trouble is, I can't decide between them! So I'm going to ask you!

In Brasil people apparently tend to dress up quite a lot for weddings. This one starts at about 5:30 and the expected heat will be about 40 degrees. However, I'm not exactly one for standing out in the crowd - especially when that crowd and I don't speak the same language.

Answers on a postcard please!

And this is what was on the train this evening...

2007-12-09T22:43:00.000Z

Sorry about the rotation - I did it the wrong way round on my phone and can't figure out how to sort it!

2007-12-09T12:36:00.001Z

Last weekend I recieved a rather random text saying

Secure Mail plan to deliver item *****
between 9-5 on 4/12
your ID & sig reqd
pls confirm by TEXT with Y or N + new date NOT before 4/12

In my suspicious mind I figured some unscrupulous company had sold my number and I was now destined to be the recipient of a large amount of text spam. And, because I have no desire to increase the frequency of said spam, I ignored it.

I got the same text the next day and got curious. I googled the text and saw that someone else had
received the same and they were also waiting for a passport. However, I just couldn't believe the passport service would send such random texts that give no indication of what you might be about to receive.

Yesterday I recieved a letter. Guess what? i should've responded to that text. But how was I to know?

It sounds like monsters on the roof!

2007-12-04T22:57:00.000Z

The people in the flat above ours have bought a treadmill. We found out at about 8:30 this evening, when we started to try to put TB to bed and it sounded like the ceiling aboive his bed was about to cave in. Needless to say, Yuri went to complain.

I asked TB what 'that noise [sounded] like'. He said 'it sounds like monsters on the roof'.

Christmas is here!

2007-12-01T11:56:00.000Z

On Thursday, seeing as I was battling with enough shopping bags to floor an elephant, I decided to add a Christmas tree to my load. Having wrestled my bagged delights onto the crowded tram and back from the tram stop I thought I could collapse at home and forget about Christmas. Not so. Yuri took one look at the boxed tree and decided it had to come out there and then. So I spent all that evening protesting that we couldn't have the tree up until December.

As a child, and even till this day, m and d get a tree a week or two into Decembe, and it sits outside looking miserable until maybe the 22nd or 23rd, when it finally gets dragged in and B goes into military operation style decorating frenzy. All I ever wanted to do in the first half of December was decorate that tree and get on with the party season.

So, having had that 3ft tree sitting on the coffee table all day, loo0king sand and undecorated, I decided last night was the time to bring Christmas into our house. We picked TB up from school and took him off to pick decorations (this is the first tree we've had in our house since he's been born) and he decided on silver glittery stars and presents. Ok, there was a little persuasion from me - gold just wouldn't have gone with the lights on that tree. We brought them home and spent the evening decorating.

This morning, when I went back into the living room to check on TB, I found each of the ribbon wrapped presents lying in a pile of unwrapped ribbons. Well, Tommy thought it was amusing. I, however, feat that my threat that if he plays with the decorations again the whole lot will go away, will not be anough to stop him.

We're picking up the remainder of the presents this afternoon, once they're wrapped and the cards are sent, the whole lot's done. I wrapped every present we've got so far last night.

I don't think I've ever been so organised!

2007-11-30T11:22:00.001Z

This morning we were playing with the train set. The entire living room floor was covered in an intricate maze of multicoloured track, bumps, bridges and switches.

Then Tommy changes his mind.

Mummy, you tidy this up and I'll carrying on playing with this (pointing to something else).

That kid's got cheek!

2007-11-29T23:08:00.000Z

This week I've been training to be a first aider. I can bandage wounds, wounds with embedded objects, burst veins, head injuries and burns, I can even deal with a person whose intestines are hanging out, if this should ever happen in our non-eventful office! Yup, I can make most things look pretty, although not do a lot to actually sort them. It seems the answer in most cases is 999. As a good point, I actually passed the exam (not sure how I would've explained it to work if I didn't).

Also finally managed to find a dress to wear to Y's wedding. A bargain in Primark! And an indecently sized pair of shorts. Yes, they are already introducing thei summer wardrobe! Pretty much finished Christmas shopping, and even came home with a tree which Yuri promptly put up, despite the fact that it's not even December yet. There's just no reasoning with some people.

2007-11-24T11:07:00.000Z

Yesterday morning, as I was leaving for work, Tommy came out of the kitchen carrying two crushed eggs in his hands.

"Mummy, I was just making eggs" he said.

He'd removed a box of 18 eggs from the fridge, taken out half of them, and they were lying in a mess of broken shell across the cooker, worktop and floor.

The things the young will do for a bit of scrambled egg!

2007-11-21T21:48:00.003Z

And so, to the unnamed person in hiding that thought it would be a smart idea to load the entire database onto disk and send it off with a courier, why? Why did you really have to be so stupid?

Of course it's almost expected from the government really.

What you don't expect is for your employer to keep your personal details in a safe so insecure that when they're broken into, the thief can make off with enough details to quite easily and thoroughly 'become' each member of staff. That's right. Our company's northern office was broken into last night,and the culprit made off with the entire staff's personal data.

To say I'm not feeling at my most secure this evening would be a slight understatement.

2007-11-21T21:48:00.001Z

Yesterday was a challenge.

I went to the doctors to get some more meds and took the opportunity to explain exactly how much I was struggling with my eating at the moment.  I guess I was expecting the doctor to come up with some idea I'd not thought of yet, some sort of cure, anything. Instead, he came up with nothing I hadn't tried already and couldn't seem to understand my frustration that these things didn't work or couldn't practicably be carried off.

It also appears that he's leaving at the end of the month. I asked who I should look to for a replacement and he only page that all of the doctors at the surgery were perfectly nice and understanding. All I could think of was the first doctor I saw there, whose only suggestion was to 'pull [myself] together'.

Needless to say, by the time I left I was feeling thouroughly demoralised and upset.

I didn't want to go to OA after all that, I didn't have the energy for it.

Last night's topic was acceptance. It's so frustrating the way people make acceptance seem so easy. But I have trouble with acceptance.
To me, actually being able to accept has a lot to do with being able to give things over to your higher power, relinquishing control of yours actions, and more especially your emotions, to something or someone greater than yourself.

But what happens when you and your higher power are having issues and you find that you just can't give over that control. What happens when that first step of 12 depend on the relationship between you and your higher power and the two me you just can't pull it together?

2007-11-20T16:53:00.001Z

Why do bus drivers stop so far away from the bus stop because they won't wait for the traffic to move on, and then refuse to stop at the actual stop. Even when they have a half empty bus.

I'm sure there must be some kind considerate bus drivers in the world. They just don't seem to show their faces in London.